Those Hollow Lies

An Open Door

6/13/09 …or maybe it was the 6/14/09...

Roz came from the bathroom, still looking rough, but with most of her mask in place once more. The black towel encircling her body was the only thing that reminded me of her general nature, until she threw me the deathly glare that she was famous for amongst her agents. I smiled in understanding and turned around, allowing her to change close to her wardrobe. I could feel her eyes on me sporadically; probably checking to make sure that I wasn’t peeking at her. I may not have been looking but my mind was very much imagining, which was possibly more dangerous territory than actually looking.

After a short while, I felt pressure on the bed next to me, and cautiously, I glanced around, relaxing when I saw Roz clad in the pyjamas I had seen plenty of times, her small figure finding a comfortable position before leaning her weary body back, using the harsh stone wall as support.

“So…do you want to talk?” I offered, not really knowing what else to say.

She shook her head, allowing her dark eyes to meet mine. “No. Besides, [I]you[/I] were always the talker, I was just forced to listen to you.”

“No one forced you to do anything, no one ever could.”

“I’m going to force myself to save Joe. Even if it’s the last thing I ever do.”

“I don’t doubt that. But…you can’t do it alone. You’re amazing, but you’re not unstoppable, not completely.”

She looked at me and chewed on her lip, her eyes leaving mine and travelling around the room, never fixing on anything in particular. “Neither are they.” She mumbled softly before closing her eyes. “I am the only expendable agent now. Everyone else has their own family and life away from this secret agency. It’s too risky and too dangerous to put even one of them out there in case their cover is blown and their families are dragged into this.” She explained quietly.

“Then I’ll help you. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Her eyes fell on me and she shook her head softly. “You have your father to consider Russ. Back then, he was never in danger, but if your identity is discovered by the double agents then he will be in deadly danger. It is too much of a risk to bring you deep into this.”

“We can protect him. You said there’s a safe house? We’ll take him there before all of this kicks off. That way, no one will find him and I can work with you.”

“I think you are struggling with this concept of danger. Russ, I could protect you last time because it was a solitary mission with a specific target. This time we don’t know who is attacking us or who we need to break to bring everyone else down. There is no promise that I will even come out of this alive.” She looked down and I saw her hand twitch, moving closer to mine but falling redundantly onto the sheets instead. “Russ, I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I always have. It’s my job, but this time, I cannot promise that everything will be okay. That we will walk away unscathed.”

I remained silent, before boldly deciding to take another step closer to the girl who worked so hard to keep people out. I placed my hand over hers, wrapping my fingers around her own and squeezing softly. Roz jumped at the soft touch, her eyes widening as they met mine and her rosy cheeks glowing red. “I know. I know this is dangerous and I know that I’m probably going to find myself staring death in the face this time, but I’m not going to let you go at this alone. I can’t do that Roz, not after everything that has happened and not with these feelings that I have.” She opened her mouth to speak and I cut her off quickly. “I know that the same rules as last time will apply and I’m not going to ask you to reconsider or change that, but what I am going to ask is that you [I]try[/I] to trust me. I know you’ve been trained to trust no one, but whatever happens, I’m going to be there for you and I’m not about to let you push me out; not this time. Not even if you beat me to a bloody pulp, point a gun at my head, or threaten me with extreme torture.” I confessed quietly, keeping my eyes fixed on her to insure that she understood my words.

“I guess nothing has changed.” She whispered, glancing down at our fingers. I saw her swallow hard, the reluctant emotions glimmering in her tired eyes as she watched her fingers wriggle inside of mine. Then, slowly, she pulled her hand away from mine and lifted her gaze to meet my confused eyes. “You are still as moronic and stubborn as ever.” I paused for a moment, worried, but the soft smile that turned the edge of her lips upwards eased my concerns and I shrugged, chuckling softly.

“And you’re still as determined, passionate and beautiful as ever.” I reached out, moving her damp hair from her eyes. Roz pulled away, shaking her head, fighting back the blush that threatened to rise to her flaming cheeks. “Sorry, that just kind of slipped out.”

“Technically, you are still involved with Bethany. I was not aware that infidelity was one of your traits.” Roz said, pulling her knees tighter to her chest.

“It’s not, cause we’re not doing anything.”

“And we never will.”

“I’ll still have these feelings for you.”

She remained silent, chin tilted down to stare at her lap. When she chewed on her lip, she was adorable, more exposed than normal and right now, there were no traces of the tough, aggressive murderess who made so many grown men quake in fear. Right now, she was just Roz; the girl who had had her chance of forever snatched from her before she even understood what it meant. Right now, she was the girl who I fell for. Then, she lifted her head, mask back in place and her eyes void of emotions.

“We will extract your father tomorrow. You need to sleep now.” Her posture was perfect as she moved swiftly to the door, pulling it open and waiting for me to leave. I never took my eyes off her as I pushed myself to weary feet and slowly exited the room. This was what I expected from her, but I knew that now she was exposed on another level entirely and when the time was right, she’d come to me and I’d be there for her. I turned once back in the hallway and just before I reached my door, I heard her say my name tentatively. Turning around with a smile on my lips, my heart almost stopped when I saw her smiling a genuine smile; her lips turned upwards, perfectly straight teeth on show and a mysterious flicker in her eyes.

“Thanks…for all of this.”