what tomorrow brings.

xvii. lo(n)(v)ely

xvii. LO(N)(V)ELY.

time moves slowly, trapped in a block of ice that just won't melt. i got friends, yeah, they keep me company, but try to tell that to my mama who convinces me that i'm nothing but lonely. my fingertips are frostbitten, a soul kept locked tight, screaming. suffocation only leads to satisfaction, rope burns last long enough that people don't question. i scribbled out that i wanted to die and my therapist called it progression. tell me how this is getting better, trapped in a mindset that is nothing but static. tell me how this is getting better when i've began to run out of words to describe how i'm feeling so i rely on fine when i'm far from fine. okay, maybe that's a better word to show off how better i am, okay fine, i'm okay, really i'm fine. it feels like a scratched record at this point, a voice box scratched up and pulled apart from how long i've been screaming that i'm far from fine. hoping that the dark under eyes would scream for me, show you more than just a simple story. how the scratches on my arm are bleeding red, call me a coward for not just killing myself. you're right, i'm sorry the night you fell asleep before midnight i couldn't swallow the handful of pills, pull the trigger that held the only potential i had left. i'm sorry you woke up and found my body alive.

time moves slowly, trapped in a block of ice that just won't melt.
i don't think i'll ever find a way out.