Chapter 38

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Shit.

I gulped and sat up in the bed. Jake is holding my pill bottle and the look on his face tells me he's mad, but not at me. At himself.

"You haven't been sleeping" He put his head back in his hands shaking it back and forth slowly. "God I'm such a dick" He ran a hand through his messy hair and pulled at the strands.

"Jake, it's oka-"

"Don't tell me it's okay Arianna, because what I said last week is not okay. I will never forgive myself for it and, honestly, you shouldn't forgive me either" He got up from his bed and began pacing the room. "So you've been taking these for a week then?"

I hesitantly nodded.

"Fuck" He roared throwing the pill bottle across the room. He threw his fist through the nearest wall, his breaths turning shallow but heavy, and his whole body is heaving. "God, I didn't mean it Arianna, I swear I-" his voice faded out and he just leaned his head against the wall with his back to me.

I got up from the bed and stumbled over to him. I gently placed a hand on his now clothed shoulder, almost pulling back when tingles erupted through my arm.

He tensed under my touch and turned only his head to face me, eyes wide. "No no no you're supposed to be lying down"

"I'm fine"

"Stop saying that goddammit, you are not fine, you just fainted because of me!"

"Jake, calm down. Please"

He turned around to face me and when his eyes landed on me, they softened. He slid his back down the wall and sat with his legs sprawled out across the floor with his head buried in his hands, his fingers tugging at his hair.

"My mom called" He mumbled into his palms, his voice muffled.

I haven't heard much about his mom, he never talks about her, and I've only seen her in a couple pictures around the house. I've always wondered what happened to her but I never asked him because I figured he would tell me when he's ready. And if he isn't ready, I'll wait. If he's hurting because of whatever happened, it's best he waits until he's ready otherwise he could hurt himself even more trying to explain.

I sunk down to the floor and sat in front of him, resting my hands on his knees.

"Come lay with me" I whispered, desperately searching for his eyes.

He looked up from his hands and into my eyes.  His teddy bear eyes are back, I haven't seen them in a week and I don't know why but I missed them so much. Whenever he looked at me this past week his eyes would darken and any trace of his gorgeous light brown eyes with golden hues would fade into dark, dark brown. I stood up and reached for his hand to pull him to his feet. Of course my attempts to stand him up did absolutely nothing and I just stood there like an idiot with his hand in mine, waiting for him to get up. And he eventually did, dropping his hand from mine. I instantly missed the warmth of his hand in mine but I brushed it off and climbed under the covers leaving half of the bed for him. He followed my actions and climbed in beside me, laying on his back.

I inched closer to him laying my head on his chest and listening to his heart beat wildly against his toned chest. I let my head rise and fall with his chest and cuddled further into his side, laying an arm across his stomach. He ran his fingers through my hair softly with one hand, while the other was draped around my waist.

"Tell me about her"

He sighed deeply and stayed quiet for a bit. The only thing that can be heard is our breathing.

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