STAY

25.

In the end, he had been my everything. I had spent so much time with him before he left, so when he disappeared I felt completely empty. I loved him, more than I would ever be able to love anyone else. The time I had spent with him was something that I would never forget. I would remember it my whole life. I would never forget how his brown eyes looked at me. I would never forget the day that I first met him. The day we bumped into each other. The evening he saved me from David. When we kissed at the hospital. I would never forget these moments, and I would never forget the way it felt to be around him. I felt safe. When I was with him, I knew that nothing could happen to me. But the worst had just happened. He was gone.

***

When Michael's parents left, after asking me if I knew where he was, I couldn't leave the house. I wasn't sure what was going on, but after a couple of days without hearing from Michael, I was expecting the worst. Either that the other gang had gotten a hold of him or that he had just left town for a while, without telling anyone. But why would he do that? It didn't seem like he would do such a thing, not without telling me at least.

Right now I'm standing at the porch to my house, looking out over the small garden we have on the backside. I don't really know what I'm waiting for. If I'm waiting for him to appear here in front of my house, telling me everything is fine. Or if I'm just expecting something to happen soon.

It's only nine o'clock in the morning. It's Thursday. I didn't want to go to school today either. It's okay though. I'm not falling behind in schoolwork. Daniella comes over every day with assignments that have to be done and tells me what the other classes I go to have been doing lately. She's also trying to make me come to social events with her and Christina, but I really don't feel for it at the moment. The gossip she tells me isn't interesting anymore. The only thing I can think about is Michael. It is as if I'm obsessed with him. He won't leave my thoughts and he's there in everything I do. I know I'm just missing him. It just hurts to bad. I'm not used to missing people like this. I wish I wouldn't have to feel this way, but I do. I lost something that I thought I wasn't going to lose. And it hurts. A lot.

I walk towards the kitchen, where Angelica is sitting with Jacob.

"Here, I made you some juice", she says and smiles at me. I smile back, even though it takes almost all my energy to do so.

"Thanks", I whisper quietly.

"You know...", she starts, but I already know what she's about to say. "It will get better. With time", she smiles. I don't react, I just sit down at the table and look at Jacob. He isn't touching his food, but he is staring at it.

"Anyway...", Angelica continues. A part of me just wants to tell her to be quite, but I don't. "Me and Jacob are going out for a small walk, wanna come?"

I shake my head. "No thanks, I have some work to do"

"Okay, fine", she says and smiles. It feels as if she thinks that I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe I am. I don't care.

Before Angelica leaves the house, she turns around and faces me where I'm sitting.

"There is a letter for you at the counter", she says. "I found it inside the door this morning. I think someone might've come and dropped it off, because I don't think the mail man would put it there. Just thought you should now. It was a bit weird to find a letter there"

Before I'm even able to answer back, I'm almost jumping to the counter where I see the shining white envelope, with my name on it. My heart is pumping, and I'm just hoping that Michael has written something. Something that explains the whole situation. Something that might make things a bit easier.

As I open the letter, I'm relieved to see his handwriting. I almost start to cry out of joy, because now I know he didn't just forget about me.

Hey,

I'm sorry it took so long for me to write to you. I will explain everything in the letter, if you want to read it. I'm sure a part of you is angry at me right now for what I'm doing. I'm not blaming you. If you did the same thing to me, I would be pissed. But that's the difference between me and you, Olivia. You're not too impulsive. I mean in some situations you are, but not the same as me. I'm too impulsive. I do stupid things all the time, and recently, I've done some very stupid shit. But let's not start there.

When I left the hospital, and our fight was over, I never wanted to leave your side. I know that David was capable of doing anything he wanted and I honestly couldn't stand the thought of the things he could do, happening to the only person I had ever felt this way with before. I ended up in the hospital, trying to talk sense into David. We weren't kids anymore, as we had been a couple of years ago when our conflict first started. But it didn't work. I could barely talk with him. We got in to a fight and as you know, I got badly injured. That's why I ended up in the hospital. David got away with barely any injuries. But this was definitely not the end of it.

I was so angry at the whole situation when you and I weren't talking to each other, all because of David, so this time I went alone and looked for him. When I finally found him, I couldn't control myself. Here is where I got impulsive. My anger just lashed out and I started to kick and punch him until he was lying still on the ground, barely moving. I want to be able to regret it but I can't, because honestly I don't. After that, on the same day, everything between you and me started to get better and we started working things out. I've always wanted to teach David a lesson, but this time everything went extremely wrong.

The call Eduardo got at the gym was originally for me. He called Eduardo because I didn't answer my phone, and it was urgent. The call was from James. The other gang had found David's body, dead. I was shocked. I never meant to kill him, I just wanted to teach him a lesson. You know I would never kill someone. Never. I only thought I had injured him badly, because when I left him on the ground, he was still moving and trying to say something. James told me what I had to do. He wanted me to leave. He told me he could fix everything with the other gang. But I couldn't come back. At least for a while. But I knew I didn't want to leave you, but James told me I had to. I couldn't. I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing you for the rest of my life. That is why I'm doing this.

I know I'm asking for a lot Olivia, and I'm sorry. A lot of damage has been done to you because of me. But I can't stand the thought of a life without you. So please wait for me. I will be able to get back when you finish school, and we could just start over again. I'm not sure if I can stay, but I want you with me if I go. Of course, I am not forcing you to do anything. Until I come back, you can decide if you want to be with me and leave town, or stay on your own. I'm sure you won't stay in this place forever, but the question is if it's with me or not. That's up for you to decide.

You won't be hearing much from me except for this letter. Maybe others if I get the chance to send some. I'm not sure about that thought. Mom and dad got a similar letter, so don't worry about them. I didn't tell them about the "dead" part thought. Only that I had to leave town. Don't say anything okay? It won't do them any good to know. They will find out eventually. The other guys won't stay in town either. James has decided to move them to another town, keeping them away from the other gang. So you won't be seeing them much. But I think Eduardo will stay in touch with you. He'll make sure you're doing alright once in a while. He cares for you. And I'm happy he can be there for you when I'm not.

They are not going to be hearing much from me either. I'm on my own now. But think about my request. I really don't want to go, but I have to.

I'm sorry Olivia.

I love you,
Michael

***

The tears are running down my cheek. I know what this means. It means months of loneliness. Months of waiting. But I knew what I had to do. I was going to make the best of it. If he couldn't be here enjoying it with me, I would try to make it equally as good as if he was here. Even thought it would be hard at times, I knew I could make it. And when he came back, I would know what to do. At the moment, I just wanted time to fly by. I wanted to see him again. But I had to wait. And I think I can do that.