The Royal Pain

Chapter Five:

I felt the blood drain from my face. My head pounded and I had to clutch the edge of the desk to stop myself from keeling over and fainting. I tried to keep myself sane and level headed, because none of this made any sense whatsoever. 

"What?" I managed to choke out. My vision was blurry and I knew that this was all too much to handle; I was used to laying low. I'd been bombarded with so many new things that I didn't know how to keep up with everything. 

I was faintly aware of Nathan slumping down on the couch and running a hand down his face. I forced my trembling legs to go over to the couch opposite him and I lowered myself down, staring intently at the floor. 

The King left, saying that he would 'give us some time to talk'. 

As Nathan began talking, I leaned against the couch's back and listened to what he had to say. 

"The first time you ever left for a mission, I was beside myself with worry. I was so ill, my father had to keep me restrained in the infirmary. You returned three days later than expected, and those three days were the worst days of my life. 

"I thought you were dead. That alone, made me want to die. When you returned, I vowed to never ever have to go through that pain again. I spoke to my father and we both agreed that it would be better for me if I went with you when you went away for your missions. 

"We knew you'd never agree to something as treacherous as that, so I took three guards with me, and followed you. We'd stay hidden, but close. I promised that I would only make myself known if you were about to die. 

"You don't know how hard it was to watch." Nathan gulped and cradled his stomach like I had earlier, like its contents was about to break free and sprawl all over the ground. 

Nonetheless, he continued and I hung onto every word. "Then, I had a month until I turned eighteen. My father wouldn't allow me to follow you, hence why the last mission you went on, you went alone. Trust that to be the mission when you actually needed me. 

"My duty was to stay here and take on the country, but I couldn't focus. I knew you were hurt somehow. You came home and you looked dead. I knew, the moment you entered pack territory, I knew you were my mate. I felt it. I was over the moon. I always thought you'd end up being Jex's mate, so I kept my distance and tried to stop myself from being around you. 

"But it was too hard. I loved you too much. As soon as I saw your lifeless body, I went straight to the Alpha that gave you the wound and snapped his neck. Aisling, I'm afraid that if you leave again, you'll die."

I shivered as he finished his story. Over the entirety of my stay with the Royals, never once had someone cared for me as much as Nathan had done. The fact that he went out and risked his life just to make sure that I was safe, warmed my cold, dead heart.

My limbs moved of their own accord and I felt myself comforting a distraught Nathan. He clung to me like I was the only thing that could save him. I felt weak, and I hated fighting his feelings for me. 

"I can't believe you did that for me. I'm so sorry, it must have been so hard for you...Especially when you had to watch Jex and I, thinking that we'd be the ones destined together..." I trailed off as I felt Nathan tense up.

I had to go and sort the rogues out, though. If I didn't, and someone else took my place and something catastrophic happened, I would have never been able to forgive myself. 

"Nathan," I said softly, gaining his attention. He untangled himself from me and faced me.. "I'm sorry," I said, looking down. Nathan grabbed my chin before I could continue. He lightly pushed my face up so that we were staring at each other. His green eyes shone with tears but he smiled tightly.

"I know," he replied, clearing his throat. "You have to go."

I nodded soundlessly and Nathan closed his eyes, allowing a few tears to escape. 

Nathan hesitated, looking longingly at my lips. Some part of me wanted him to lean forward and kiss me, but a larger, more dominant part realised that if he did that, there would be no turning back. 

Nathan sighed before he silently got up and left the room. 

The crackling fire danced in my eyes and I wanted to run after Nathan, hold him in my arms and promise that I would never leave him. But, I couldn't. My body was numb and stiff, it wouldn't submit to my demands. It was like, no matter how much I wanted to stay and make Nathan happy, it was an impossible feat. 

***

I rammed all the essentials into a camouflaged backpack. Once that was done, I threw the bag over my shoulder. It hit my bedroom door with a thump and I let out a sigh as I trudged around the room. I was wearing one of Nathan's shirts that reached past my thighs.

I'd crept into his room earlier and stole the shirt, vowing that I would take it with me tomorrow. 

I stared at my ceiling, observing the photos that I'd blown up and stuck there. Jex and I. The King and Queen. Jex and Nathan. All of them together. And finally, Nathan and I. 

He had his arm around me and he looked incredibly awkward. 

I sighed and shuffled over to my bathroom, intent on splashing some cold water on my face. The bright light reflected on the white tiles and stung my eyes. Everything in here was porcelain and white; I had never bothered to redecorate the bathroom as the door was mostly always shut. 

My room, itself, had a snug black carpet and wallpaper with all of my favourite quotes inked on. I was quite a literate person, and the whole back wall, opposite my bed, was one large bookcase. I also had a desk, identical to the King's, where I spent late nights mulling over paperwork. The desk was beneath a window that overlooked the forest.

The scene would give me comfort and I grinned as I sat down and decided to get the remaining paperwork over with, seeing as I couldn't sleep.

 I hadn't seen Nathan since he'd walked out of the King's office, and it was bugging me deeply. An uncanny feeling told me that it was down to this that I couldn't sleep.  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's hard to answer the question 'what's wrong?' when nothing feels right. 

-Anon. 

  (Edited)