Walking the Ruins

A discussion and a promise

"And I tell you it was smoke!" I say, maybe a bit too loud. Steve can be so stubborn.

"But we don't know for sure."  He spreads his arms to underline the statement.

Well, sometimes even I have my doubts, doubts about what I saw that morning before fighting the bear. But maybe I am right, and it really was smoke. We absolutely need to check this out, to have a closer look at that valley.

My hands are balled into fists, and I hit the table we are sitting at. "The view was good... and the rays of the sun, they were entering the valley. They illuminated the smoke. It was a rising column of smoke, I tell you."

He raises his hands defensively. "But you've said yourself that you're not quite sure." Steve sounds like a teacher—a subspecies of homo sapiens that I had thought to be extinct by now. "And you had that ... altercation with the bear, right afterward. Maybe ... don't get me wrong, but ... maybe it has affected your memory. All that adrenaline and so."

Sometimes he reminds me of my mother, who is ... was ... also an inborn skeptic. Always doubting what I said. She knew everything so much better than I did, or so she thought.

"Even if we're not sure..." I stop, searching for the right words. "Even if there's doubt, don't you see that we have to investigate this? It might easily be the most important thing we've found so far. If there's people up there, it would change everything." I look at Kevin. He's the curious one. He must feel tempted to explore.

He bites his lower lip, then he shakes his head. "A trip to the upper end of the lake would take two days... at least. That's too far for a trip in the midst of winter."

Rose, as usual, nods vigorously whenever Kevin says something. The two of them have become such homebodies, they hardly ever leave the house.

The only one not having uttered an opinion is Jenny. I feel she tends to hold back on her views when we are arguing. And since most of our arguing is between Steve and me, I appreciate that she does not instinctively take his side.

But the majorities are clear.

I cross my arms and lean back in my chair, glowering. "Okay!" I am fully aware that I am not a patient person, hating to postpone a plan. And there's little I can do, at least for the time being. In fact, they may have a point. Walking out into the winter wilderness now might not be the wisest course of action. "Let's postpone the exploration until it gets warmer. But then we'll go. Promise?"

"Promise. In spring we'll go exploring the valley," Steve agrees. The others nod in agreement, or just in order to put an end to this argument.

I look into the eyes of each of them, feeling like a judge who is letting the convict go, but only on parole. "I won't forget. We'll go in spring."

But winter maintains its harsh reign over the world outside, and spring is not in sight. Each day I search for signs of the weather turning. No, I am not a patient person.

At least we are fed. The deer that I caught keeps us alive over the next weeks, and storing the meat is easy in this cold. Still, Steve, Jenny, and I go hunting and foraging every day. Sometimes, we do it together. But mostly, I go alone. I don't want to watch the two of them all day long.

I am sure that there will be better days in my future.

And I try to avoid bears and further excursions that involve overnight outdoors camping. At least until spring comes.