Matches: Why We Burned Out

twenty // his first lover

a/n: this is no longer romeo's pov, we're back to mia's!

It's been five months since we last talked. I decided to wait for Romeo instead of sucking face with Max to make myself feel better. Everyday I have to assure myself that he hasn't moved on or forgotten about me. Sometimes at school he smiles at me.

I have to assure myself that the only reason he hasn't called is because it's exam season and he doesn't want us to get stressed. I mean, even a four-year-old could tell that's not the reason. I guess I just keep giving myself false hope.

So I sit alone in the library. I hate working in the library but I realised that I get more work done here. Once I'm too bored to continue, I pack my things away and decide to work at home instead. On my way out, I notice Romeo and some girl walking in my direction. I hold my textbooks to my chest and try to walk past them with my head down.

Success!

...Or not.

"Mia!" Romeo calls, causing me to turn around and force a smile. I have to pretend I didn't see him.

"Oh! Hello!" I mentally facepalm. Too fake, Mia, too fake. I smile at the girl. "Who's this?"

Romeo suddenly looks uneasy. I take my eyes off him and look at the girl. "This is Jade... my girlfriend."

My heart hurts. I waited for him to come back to me but he never had the intentions of returning. I force another smile. Jade speaks. "Yeah, his first girlfriend." She smiles sweetly up at him. He's staring at his shoes. I hope he feels like shit.

"His first girlfriend, huh? That's wonderful. Yeah. It's just great," I spit through gritted teeth. Jade seems confused as her gaze switches from me to Romeo.

"Is something going on?" she asks. Romeo shakes his head but I stare at the girl intimidatingly. She squirms under my gaze.

"You might be his first girlfriend, but you're not his first lover," I affirm. Jade frowns and stares at her shoes. My mind is telling me to stop being rude and try to accept the fact that he's not mine anymore. I pinch myself a couple of times. "Sorry."

Romeo gets a phone call and excuses himself, leaving me alone with the girl. My mouth just won't stop running. It's a fatal flaw. "You know, he said I was the best girl that he could ever have. So that means that after me and him were through, the only way was down," I give the girl a good inspection. She's slim and small, her hair is spiralled and her eyes are a dark brown. I chuckle sourly. "He sure went all the way down."

Jade immediately reaches for my hair, attempting to yank it out of my scalp. My hands try desperately to shove her off me. We only stop cat fighting when we hear Romeo's voice.

"Cut it out, both of you!"

Jade lets go of my hair and steps back as she wipes her nervous hands on her ripped jeans. The jeans I ripped. I push my messy locks out of my face.

"You told me I was the first, Romeo. We have a lot to talk about later," Jade growls tearily, marching away from us and into the library. Romeo and I stand in silence for a while. I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. So I do.

"She's a bit short tempered--"

"Shut up, Mia," he barks angrily. My lips are pressed firmly shut. I've never seen him this angry in my entire existence... I keep messing up. "Ruining the relationship me and you had wasn't enough for you, was it? You just had to come back and ruin another one, one that you weren't even a part of!"

His words sting. Imagine getting several paper cuts on your hands. Then imagine rubbing salt in each cut, then dipping your hand in lemon juice. That's how painful his words were to me. I feel myself break as he continues.

"I should have never touched you," he breathes, running his fingers through his hair. He always loved it when I did that to him. I'm past the point of crying. All I can do is let him hit me with his bullets and watch myself bleed.

"Please don't say that," I whisper. He doesn't hear me. He's too engulfed in his own thoughts that everything else is blocked out.

He softens. "I didn't mean that. I loved every second of what we had. I've hurt you so much," he mumbles. I press my lips together. "I think about you loads. Sometimes there'd be something on the radio or I'd smell something, and it would remind me of you. You're everywhere in my head, and I hate it. Even now that I have a girlfriend, you're still all I think about. I think about how much I want to call you at 3 AM and talk to you about whatever. Then I realise that my girlfriend is sleeping right beside me and you're probably sleeping peacefully in your own bed. I'm going crazy without you, petal, I..." The boy stares at the ground for a long time. I try to steady my breathing.

"Romeo," I mutter.

"I hate you, Mia. Ever since you came into my life, things have been going downhill," he says finally, breaking my heart yet again. My cheeks become wet with the tears I'm not bothered to wipe.

"Don't say that," I cry, taking a step closer to him.

"No, I really am done with you. I don't want to see you again," he growls, taking both of my cheeks in his hands. His eyes are teary. He places a small kiss on my lips, then leans his forehead against mine. He whispers, "I'm sorry."

He stares at my lips, sighs, then hurries off to find his girlfriend.

***

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— sarah xox