To Live Again {Lord of the Rings/ThranduilXOC Fanfiction}

22. Lap of the Gods

The stars they are so bright, shimmering in the velvet navy sky above me. I am not certain how long I have lain here, it could be hours, or days, or even years. I don't feel myself I just feel still and resting. I don't remember what I am or if I had a name? If I did it doesn't seem to matter - nothing matters here - it just seems like one long infinite moment of quietness. It is not frightening or confusing or any of those things, no, it just is. Yet something is uniquely familiar about this place, like I have been here before? Why do I know this sky?

Faces flicker before my eyes, I know these faces? I know these people? Why do I need to know? What am I supposed to remember? Where am I?

"Clara..."

Clara? That name...is that...me?

I go to answer the voice but find I have no lips or tongue; I just have my thoughts - what is left of me - my spirit.

The voice speaks my name again but it isn't just one voice, it is like a thousand voices speaking my name at once. It is not deafening or disorientating, it is...like...music? All those voices and sounds come together to make beautifully haunting extraordinary music. I cannot tell if it is male or female? Or if it is man or beast? It is everything, or rather it is the life or essence of everything. It is in these moments that I realize I am surrounded by the soft hum of constant music, like a heartbeat, like energy.

I trade off many different comparisons in my mind but none of them seem to accurately fit the magnificent beauty of this sound and the creator of all this wonderful music and life. I am stunned and completely subject to the wishes and movement of this entity, which is what I want...for it seems the right thing to do, to trust...to have faith.

"Clara...will you see?"

The voice that is an orchestra of sounds asks me, and before I can respond in thought my vision changes. I see a body of a woman outstretched on cold marble, draped in sheer gossamer; she is pale and still cloaked in what would first appear to be death. Yet her cheeks are flushed with the softest shade of rose and her chest falls and rises ever so softly. I realize I am looking down at myself and feel incredible sadness. In the endless symphony of noise I hear one extremely familiar voice, as it cries out in deep sorrow, lamenting my absence and begging for my life. He even bargains, his life for mine? No! No he mustn't, I love him! And then suddenly the voice and the face meld together and I connect the missing puzzle piece.

Thranduil...my beloved, my family, and I would go even as far as to say soul mate if I could fully comprehend the meaning of that word.

In the next second I am reminded of why I am here in this place, I was attacked and I lost myself in the pain...am I nearing death? Why am I being tortured with this? Please I cannot hear his pain anymore it is destroying me! Stop!

There is silence, complete silence, not even the beautiful music to comfort me. I am left alone watching my body slowly give up before my very eyes. Except now her face slowly changes, it starts to become less perfected and damaged. Great big welts and scars of burns lacerate her face and body. The scene slowly morphs, like looking through a mirror into another world.

My body lies on a bed, a modern bed, I know this place? It is a hospital? From the world I was born in - incredible - everything is so bright and sterile it actually frightens me to watch. Wires, tubes, and all sorts of machines are crammed into the small space, each one of them vainly trying to keep me alive. Why on earth would I want to be kept alive in that condition? Everything is seared, broken, or disfigured. Wait? I survived the crash? I may be brain dead and unable to breathe without the help of machines, but I lived?

"Is there any chance?"

That voice? Dad? It is my Dad! I haven't seen him in so long but there he is standing at the foot of the bed watching me with sorrowful eyes. I thought I would not care to see him again but I do - I really do. I don't want him to cry! He is there by my side; I never thought he would be! He did love me. He may not have been there in life but he was there when I needed him, he came through! My flaky stupid father remembered me! My heart is overwhelmed by the confusion and love of the moment. I guess now knowing the bond of family I can appreciate his attempts, no-one was there to help him when my mother ran out, I don't blame him for being scared...not anymore at least. He did what he thought was right and seeing him now? Well I guess it mends that age old insecurity, my daddy did care for me and he didn't forget me.