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"love is freeing" is something i couldn't comprehend.
people love like it's their way to breathe. they love as if it's their home, building warmth and comfort. it's like you're a plant, and they're watching you grow and do photosynthesis under the sun, watering you every day, watching over you.
i love like the world's about to be crumpled, as if the earth is held by a villain's hand and you have limited time to take what's yours and keep it with you. it's like the world's already in rapture, and everybody's stealing from someone, and i have to make sure no one takes what's mine.
even with my glasses on, i couldn't see that love could be freeing.
maybe it's because i'm in rage with my own skin, and i will voluntarily shape-shift to fit in. maybe it's because i feel like in fire whenever i see someone getting one step ahead because they could take everything that's mine, and i don't have the power to say no.
or maybe it's because i was fifteen, searching what love is on every search engine just so i could answer that 8-year-old asking what love is without her father's nod of approval of everything she does.
