The book of unsent letters

A remix of guys in my life.

Sorry about the short story. I didn't have time to search and write more. I'll soon have a new person to talk about, but I didn't have enough time for that. So, this story is partly about Lucas and Simon but also about other guys I don't have much to say about."

"They always come back"
Yes, but when?
When I'm in a health relationship?
When I no longer think of them?
When I'm happy?
When I'm over him?
I think they only come back when you're over them,
when you don't want then anymore,
when you're no longer available.

What was this? I asked him that question, and he got angry.
We both knew whatever it was, it just ended , but I wanted to know what it was for him, what I meant to him.
Whatever the answer was, I needed to know. So I asked the question, 'What was this?' He got angry, said I was too much, that I sent too many messages. I said okay, and that was the last thing we said to each other.

Three days before, we stayed awake all night for each other, even though we had school the next day.
We just wanted to message each other. He said that we would see each other soon, that I was perfect.
The next day, he acted like nothing had happened. He didn't mention seeing each other again, and he sent that day only a few messages. I felt like something was wrong.
The next day, I asked what was going on. He said nothing was wrong, but a few hours later, he said he would not message me again and that he was going to unfriend and unfollow me. I was shocked, I didn't understand it all, but I was very panicked. I sent him 'okay' and then deleted him from everything.
That was the last time we talked.

I don't want you to think that I loved you because I didn't. Yes, I loved your attention, yes, Yes, I loved our conversations, yes, I wanted to see you a lot, but I didn't love you. You were, well, I don't actually know. I think you were a kind of obsession for me, but not like my previous obsession with a guy, that was very different. Because with him, I didn't text him, I only saw him once a week, and then we only had a 10-minute conversation, I built a whole story in my head about him. But with you, no, I knew who you were, I knew what you were like, but I didn't dare confront the truth to myself until you left me.

You didn't want a relationship or anything like that. I knew you didn't want a relationship, and you knew that I only wanted a relationship with you and not whatever we were doing. And yet, we still kept messaging each other. We didn't want the same thing, but we still wanted each other.

Why have you changed so much in just three days? At first, you acted like we were in a relationship, and then suddenly this. I think you realized that you do care about me and you didn't want that. You didn't want to repeat the same as your previous relationship, even though you knew I was different, not like your previous one. But maybe I made you think too much about your past relationship, or maybe not.