The book of unsent letters

Lucas

Summer 2023:
I was on holiday with my cousin and my parents. In the evenings, we started texting with some of her friends because we were getting bored. That's when I met Lucas.

One evening, he asked about a song based on its lyrics. I knew the song, so I sent him a follow request on Instagram and shared the song with him. That's how we started texting every night until after a while he started texting less, and eventually we stopped texting.

These are the poems or, as Lucas called them, little texts.

The poems I wish he had read:

I was mad at you but now I realize that I should never have been mad, you just have a hard time talking about your feelings, talking about the fact that you weren't over that girl, but I wish I had known earlier that how much I was going to make effort, you weren't ready for it yet, you couldn't talk about your feelings and that's why I'm not mad at you, but I think we were the definition of "the right person at the wrong time".

I'm not over you yet, but it's time I let you go because I'm getting tired of remembering the times when you were acting normal to me
We don't chat anymore and even though it has been almost a month since I let you go,
I still think about you,
you're probably already over me because you were never into me
and I don't regret texting you that day,
I don't regret trying to help you,
I don't regret the things I said to you
the only thing i regret is that i believed you believed that you really cared about me believed that you did that because you really cared about me
but no you needed me to get over another girl

The poems I send him:

I think he's afraid of what could happen if he opens up, I know he's afraid, afraid of getting hurt, he thinks he's never going to be the same person again, he thinks he's always left with the emptiness she gave him, he feels cheated, he pretends he doesn't care, as long as he doesn't express his feelings he won't get over it, as long as he doesn't give himself over to the bad feelings he's going to feel bad

she is the person who asks if he is okay
she is the person who is concerned
she is the person who will do anything to make him happier
she is the person who thinks carefully about what she sends
she is the person who tries not to answer dry
she is the person who does not talk to other guys for him
she is the person who sends a text first
and then again
he never asks how she is
he is the person who never worries
he is the person who does not want her to be happy
he is the person who never thinks with what he sends
he is the person who answers dryly
he is the person who talks with other girls
he is the person who never sends a text first
and the worst part is that he doesn't owe her anything
he never made a promise that he would be there for her
but for her
it feels like that's his responsibility to be there for her

I can never let myself be happy
because every time I get happy, something happens
every time i'm happy she ruins it
every time i'm happy she comes back to my mind
every time i'm happy i see her again
every time i'm happy she comes back in my dreams
even though I will never see her again
even though I will never speak to her again
even if i will never text her again
even though I'll never be able to tell her what I've felt
even though she broke me
I'm never going to blame her

The poems he should never read:

I don't know if I like him
i like his attention
i like to chat with him
i find him attractive
but i don't love him
I don't feel anything for him
I don't know him enough
but I couldn't imagine stopping talking to him
but i don't think i love him
he is too complicated
he is still in the past
he's not ready for someone new
so the best thing is just that i don't love him

(I had more and he had also sent many poems to me, but I deleted them all when I was angry lol)
(This is also not in order, just the texts that I have found back)