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TW: Suicide Attempt
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯 After spending a week in Bali, the three girls finally returned home to New York. Jorja made every effort to make the last few days in Bali truly meaningful, especially after the incident with Soléigh. Tragically, Ebony retreated further into her shell, her walls growing thicker, leaving her more isolated than ever.
The deepest exchanges between Ebony and Jorja since that day were confined solely to matters concerning Soléigh. Despite Jorja's persistent efforts to break through the emotional barrier Ebony had erected, it felt like the walls only grew stronger with each attempt.
Ebony's refusal to look at Jorja, to touch her, to hold her, and to even sleep in the same room anymore speaks volumes about the depth of her emotional detachment. It was a daily painful reminder of the distance that has formed between them.
It's not that Ebony blamed Jorja for what happened to her. It felt more like Ebony was being pulled back into her old life, as if she wasn't living in reality anymore with her new family. One of the biggest struggles Ebony faced was isolating herself when things got tough.
That day, when Jorja tried to comfort Ebony, even though Ebony had her headphones in, she still heard everything that Jorja said to her. Jorja didn't think that Ebony could hear her, but in reality, she could. Ebony felt awful for treating Jorja this way, but she felt useless and unworthy of being with someone as kind as Jorja.
She felt selfish.
Ebony hastily wiped away her tears, her face hidden beneath the comforting embrace of her hoodie, as she stepped out of her car and ventured into CVS. Clad in a black hoodie, pajama pants, and slipping her feet into crocs without a second thought, she couldn't care less about her appearance.
Lost and uncertain, she found herself in CVS, as if her body was being guided by an unseen force, her mind a mere passenger. Approaching the automatic doors, she stepped into the nearly deserted store and tilted her neck, scanning the signs overhead that described the product each aisle had.
Personal care, aisle 7.
Ebony took a deep breath, her heart pounding in her chest, as she navigated her way to Aisle 7. Amidst the array of products, her gaze finally settled upon a pack of razor blades. Anxious thoughts raced through her mind as she swiftly reached out to grasp the pack, containing a total of five blades. Determined to make this trip swift and avoid any second thoughts, she hastened towards the self-checkout.
Upon completing her purchase, Ebony quickened back to her vehicle. Ebony felt utterly confused. She couldn't comprehend what she was doing or why she had been overcome by this sudden urge to harm herself. All she was certain of was that she was experiencing an unfamiliar, negative emotion.
"Oh God, please not now," Ebony whispered to herself, still sitting in the CVS parking lot. Gripping the steering wheel tightly, she slammed her head against the horn. Her heart raced, pounding like a freight train, as her chest constricted. Hot tears streamed down her face as she fought to catch her breath.
