wlw imagines!!

~10~ 🤍

(⚠️ just a warning that there will be mentions of sh, panic attacks, and trouble eating in this so if that's gonna trigger you please don't read this chapter⚠️)

Shit. My breathing was speeding up and my heart was racing. I needed her. I needed my favourite person but there was no way she could see me in this state. I'm a mess.

Me, her, and some others had gone to a friends house, and although it wasn't a party, it was actually pretty crowded. That made me a little anxious already, but what made it worse was when a few of my friends kept mentioning stuff about me eating. About how they either 'never see me eat' or that I 'don't stop eating'.

I hated when people said those things. She knew about how I struggle with eating, and how I saw myself, but she wasn't with us at the time, she was somewhere else in the house. If she was with us then she would've snapped. She was always very protective over me, and i fell for her. Hard. I didn't know if she felt the same though and I didn't even bother asking because I didn't want to lose her.

I wanted to go find her so bad but I couldn't let her see me like this. Tears had come to my eyes as I walked out of the room without saying a word, looking for the bathroom. That was when my breathing started speeding up and my hands shook uncontrollably. My legs were wobbly as I walked, shoving the bathroom door open and slamming it behind me while quiet sobs left my mouth.

That's when I let it happen, I was having a panic attack and at this point I was too far in. I couldn't control it now. I needed a blade..

~~~
A bit of time had passed, and I'd relapsed in the bathroom in my friends house. I didn't mean to, I just had an uncontrollable urge. It was addictive. After about 10-15 minutes, my breathing had finally calmed down and relaxed a little, the bleeding on my arms however, hadn't. That was when there was a knock at the door.

"Uh.. just a minute!!"

"Let me in. Please."

It was her.

"Okay give me a minute." I sniffled.

"Now."

I didn't even bother to try to stop the bleeding anymore, I just put my oversized hoodie on to cover my arms, and then opened the door, wiping my face.

She walked into the bathroom, grabbing my hand to drag me back in with her in case I tried to walk away from her. She shut the door and locked it, then gently grasped my hips.

"Sit down for me."

She guided me to the bathroom counter, lifting me up there with ease.

"Wait-" I whispered.

"Are you okay? What happened my love?" She kept hold of my hips.

"I can't say. You'll be mad." Tears returned to my eyes.

"I need you to tell me darling. I'm here, you can take your time, but I need you to tell me at some point. I saw you as you started having a panic attack."

I dipped my head down, forehead against her shoulder. Her fingers tangled in my hair, gently massaging my scalp.

"You're okay. Let it out sweetheart."

I sobbed into her shoulder, replaying my friends words in my mind.

"It's gonna be okay, are you ready to tell me?"

I carefully nodded against her, then lifted my head up to look at her.

"They.. They said that when they see me, I either don't eat at all, or I don't stop eating."

Her face dropped.

"Names for me, baby."

I shook my head.

"I need you to tell me their names."

"No." I sniffled.

"Please." She wiped my tears.

"I can't they'll hate me." My voice was weak.

"Baby they're not your friends if they're saying those things about you, and they're not my friends anymore either. I hate them."

I smiled slightly at her words. I felt her lift me off the counter and down to the floor. She also sat down, and then pulled me to sit in her lap. Her hand rubbed my back up and down, and my head rested on her shoulder.

"If it makes you feel any better, I won't yell at them in front of you, I know that scares you, I'll message them. Can you just please tell me their names?" She moved my hair away from my ear and softly spoke.

I then proceeded to tell her.

"Thank you my love, let me bring you back to my house, okay?"

All I did was nod in response.

~after an hour~

I walked into her bedroom and sat on the bed.

"Can we talk more about earlier?" She sat down in front of me.

"Yeah." I spoke, almost breathlessly.

"I remember the first time you told me about how you struggle with eating. And how you used to harm yourself because of your thoughts."

Fuck she was onto me. No. She can't know.

"Now you know I saw you when you started having a panic attack hm?"

"Mhm, I was hoping you didn't see me though."

"You should've come to get me, why didn't you want me to know?"

"You don't deserve to see me like that." I mumbled.

"You can come to me no matter what, I'll never see you any differently." She looked into my eyes, "and now I need to ask baby, did you.. harm yourself?"

I stayed quiet. I didn't want her to know, but me staying quiet was just even more of a give away. What if she got mad at me? I don't want her to be mad. She's my safe person.

"Hey." Her voice was gentle. Caring.

"Uhm.." I whispered, avoiding eye contact.

"I need you to tell me where. You know I'd never be mad at you."

"My arms." I spoke as quietly as possible, and it was so quiet that I thought she didn't hear me, but she did.

She carefully took my hoodie sleeve and rolled it up. Then the other one.

Tears came to my eyes once again.

"Please don't be mad." I whispered, looking down at my arms. Her lack of words worried me. She wasn't saying anything. She didn't say anything until after I'd spoke.

"Of course I'm not gonna be mad baby, can you just let me clean them please? I don't want them to get infected."

"Okay." I sniffled.

After she'd cleaned me up and given me a new hoodie to wear, she got me into her bed and pulled me onto her chest.

"Get some sleep my love, you must be exhausted."

"But I wanna talk to you." I frowned.

"You can talk to me after you wake up, go to sleep for an hour or so baby, I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Promise?" I sniffled again.

"I promise, I'm never leaving. Not going anywhere sweetheart."

That's when I settled down and finally got to sleep.

okay this was quite a long chapter. im trying to write more rn so that i can add more parts to this!!

i hope it wasnt too bad and that theres no mistakes because honestly sometimes i cant spell for the life of me, i end up mixing up the letters😭

ANYWAY THANKS FOR READING THIS AND PUTTING UP WITH MY TERRIBLE WRITING

i care about you❤️

~L