Unkept Promises

His decision

Abhiram's POV

"What do you think Abhiram? Is forgiveness easy?"

We were in our bedroom. The dinner was cooked, but there was still time for us to eat, and so we were sat together speaking, while Aaru was on our bed coloring a few pictures in his school's coloring book - that was his homework.

A few days back, we had enrolled him in the same preschool in which Avi's friend, Rahul's daughter was enrolled. As it is, Aaru and Sara were good friends, so we discussed about the school and its admission procedure, its environment with Rahul, personally visited and enquired about a few things, and then after careful consideration enrolled our little nugget.

We were really lucky that he did not throw a tantrum while attending his preschool. My sweet baby was so unlike a lot of his classmates when it came to attending school each day. He had made some friends too, and seemed really excited when either Avi or I would drop him off. And then depending on who would make it on time, either of us would pick him and bring him with us in our respective offices.

We were getting used to the new schedule and Aaru was too. As a parent, it was really overwhelming to see your child growing up so fast. I mean, its just like, school can be seen as the first apparent and rather conspicuous stage of growing up. The first phase where your child leaves you, even if that's for a small amount of time, and is on their own in the world. Avi and I literally had tears in our eyes seeing him walking into the school premises on the first day.

Avi and I had been speaking increasingly all these days. It was our quest and our need to have these conversations akin to how we have always had - deep, insightful, meaningful, soothing. We spoke of everything, literally, every single thing.

Yes, Avi had become receptive of my efforts since quite some time, but something had really changed nearly fifteen days prior when I had seen her staring at me for quite some time. While, deep inside my mind, I was waiting for the change, for me to earn her forgiveness, for everything to be back to normal - our kind of normal, I also knew that all of this would take time, and so I had assured her that she needs to take as much time as she wants.

The thing is, it might seem that since I was the one seeking forgiveness, this period was ideally torturous for me. Yes, it was. But was sweet love too was in pain. A lot of pain. Unable to comprehend her own emotions at time, caught in the conflict of wanting to forgive me and unable to free herself from the clutches of that wretched past, wanting to take that step ahead, and yet, not knowing how to do so. I could feel the pain she was going through, and it in turn, only increased my guilt.

Yes, she was receptive of my efforts, and since the past fifteen days or so, even more open with me, seemingly like the times before the incident, she would speak with me, but my heart, it was still heavy. A lot heavy than I could endure.

That's the thing about guilt and conscience. Your conscience never lets you forget or cast asides the guilt of what you have done. Honestly, this was exactly what I deserved - reeling under the guilt of what I made her go through, but it did become tough for me at times, really, really tough.

As poetic as it seems, I did feel like a dark cloud at times. Weighed down with pain and regret, and unable to burst out into tears, lest she were to feel guilty for something she had not even remotely caused. My wonderful Avi. My present pain was a direct result of what I had done, and I did not want to put her through more pain, more than what she was going through.

Though her question was not anything unexpected or startling, my mind took its time to grasp her intention behind that question, and to form an answer which would convince the both of us.