I'd really like to give up right now.
Just throw in the towel and say forget about every dream I've ever dreamt and every moment I've overcome one battle to get to the next step.. just for another to be waiting for me.
Right now as I sit and write this poetry I indulge in the act of procrastinating... having one hundred things to do and a million things roaming my brain.. I sit here.. allowing myself to think and contemplate on how tired I am.
How low I feel.
How bad I wish for this roadblock to end, how bad I wish I could move this mountain with the force of my strength instead of having to climb it.
I am ready to say forget it.
I want to be free.
Free to roam the earth without the worry of danger and the amount of money inside of my pockets.
Free to think without having a brain crowded with "knowledge" or experience stemmed from pain... mathematical equations and memorable love languages of falling in love to heart break phases poisoning everything in close capacity.
Free to be me.
I've never been able to fully just be me.
To tell my truth with nothing as close to a white lie.. speak about the confusion of my body and how life is meant to be joyful but for some reason I always end up releasing a restless sigh.
A depressing cry.
A weakend moment followed by more to come.. it's not just vulnerability at this point, it's pure advantage over my sensitivity.. and they take it, joke about it, brush it off and then somehow gain it again.
I say forget it.
But only for today..
Only in this moment can I say forget it, because in the next minute I'll be doing some chore or assignment to hopefully better my living..
Take me higher in the ranks and allow me to give myself an emotional safe space.
Moving on up.
Not to the east side but maybe sea side.. waves crashing and my body dancing as my toes scrunch in the sand.. listening to some foreign band.
The winds so strong as I wave they seemed to have grasped at my hand.. the feeling so familiar yet unrecognizable because every time I connect with another, their gone faster than a black man gains riches and races to the suburbs....
This isn't about judgment of statistically proven stereotypes or even my loneliness and how bitter I may be inside...
This is about how my moment of procrastination is soon to be ended.
How I'll have to find a way to make things work with a better mindset because this is only the beginning.
This is about how sometimes dwelling in your own pity can prolong what's coming to make you happy...
Kind of like what I'm doing.
Kind of like what you're doing.. reading to free your mind of whatever may be of bother to embark on a different journey...
Despite the feelings you may be experiencing..
Honor yourself for the fact that you're still trying.
Don't say forget it...
Just get up and do it.
- LaDonna
9/18/2023
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𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭
PoetryA collection of poems and thoughts of a young black woman, growing, learning and understanding herself as she faces many trials and tribulations on her mission in finding true happiness and love.
