How I Met Your Mother

35 - I wish

natalie

It's been a week since she died. Since I beat the fuck out of Riley. Since I lost my fucking mind.

I was dressed in all black now.

A dress.

She would want me to wear a dress.

She always told me dresses were polite. They were a sign of respect.

I could wear a suit to her funeral.

She said suits made me look like a distinguished young woman and that I should wear whatever makes me happy.

But I know she would want me to wear a dress.

I am gonna be back to normal after today. I'm going to school on Monday. I'm gonna talk to my friends today. I'm going to apologize to Riley. She's the biggest bitch I've met but I was beyond unfair to her.

"Ready to go?" My uncle was standing at my doorway. His hair was messy and his eyes were red. He's wearing an all black suit. With a sunflower pin.

My mother's favorite flower.

My grandmother stood behind him in the doorway. Her gray hair was styled half up half down. She's wearing a black dress too. Plain. Simple.

I feel so bad for my grandmother. No mother should ever outlive her child. And now she's outlived two.

Uncle Marshall lost his brother and sister.

They've lost more than me but they're still here. That's proof I can be okay too.

I nodded, unable to find any words.

The car ride was silent.

No talking. No music.

It seemed like even the traffic outside was silent for us.

It started to rain as we pulled up to the funeral home.

The sky was sad today too.

People arrived shortly after us.

A few of moms friends from high school. Family. My friends.

My mom loved my friends.

All of them.

She would be happy they came.

"Natalie hi." Alexander was wearing a black suit. It fit him well. He looked good in black, "I know you don't want to talk. When my mom died, the last thing I wanted was for people to say I'm sorry as if it was their fault." He put his hand on the back of his neck, "I just want to let you know I'm here." He nodded, "I get it. If you need anything-"

I pulled him into a hug.

A good hug.

I know he's here for me.

I appreciate that.

He rubbed my back, "I'm so sorry Nat."

I nodded, "She was in pain." I pulled away, "I know that she's better off now."

He nodded and sat in the middle row.

I sat next to Mackenzie.

"We don't have to talk right now." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, "But I'm here for you."

I looked at her, "I know."

Teddy took his seat next to her, noticing our intertwined hands. He nodded and laid his head on Brook's shoulder.

"I would like to thank everyone for being here for Maggie today." My grandma spoke into the microphone, "She was a wonderful human being. A wonderful mother. A wonderful daughter. And a wonderful friend." She sniffled, "She was in so much pain. I hope no one else has to experience something like that." She looked down at the card in her hand, "Mags was always pushing me to be better. To be a better mother and a better person. She made me better. I didn't realize how horrible I was until she told me. To think all of my sisters told me but it took one time from my daughter for me to finally realize." People in the crowd laughed, "Magdalene was smart, funny, and talented. She gave up her life to take care of her children. To take care of me when I was sick. I never truly said thank you to my beautiful daughter. Thank you Maggie. Thank you for the smiles you brought across our faces. Thank you for the amazing children you brought into this world. Thank you for being such a beautiful soul." She wiped her nose and sat next to my aunt Donna. Her sister.