Discovering Lila

Chapter 5: "Home"

~Recap~

I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.
I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.
I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.
I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.
I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.

I am okay?

I am not okay.

~Now~

Fuck.

I'm not ready for this.

I'm sitting outside in my car.

I'm a badass bitch and yet I can't even walk into the fucking door. What am I doing? Oh my fucking goodness me.

Fuck it lets just go.

I slowly start to get out of my car. Slowly. Like a snail. Fuck I'm not ready. What if they're in there? They shouldn't be, it's the middle of the day. They won't be home right?

Oh god.

I slowly put the key in the door and turn the handle.

Peace.

Peace and quiet. They're not home. Thank god. I close the door quietly and run upstairs to my bedroom, one of the only places I like in this house. No one except me has entered in the last 3 years so I've decorated it to be exactly my taste.

One wall has all of my achievements. And no, Linda, I'm not self-centred. It was my therapists idea. Something about trying to make me see how incredible I am? Who fucking knows.

My business and fashion masters degree certificates, my high school diploma, my certificates from my various high school competitions, and more litter my walls, standing out in their coloured frames against my white wall. This wall also contains my windows, overlooking the gardens in the house.

My other wall is white with a large black mural. It has a galaxy-looking painting on the wall in the middle and in white, I had written thoughts and feelings on it. It was probably my favourite wall, painting it was the most honest moment I'd ever felt. This wall is right by my door, meaning if anyone ever did come in (which they wouldn't) they wouldn't see it which is good. I'm not the most open person, and seeing it would give them a big insight into me and my mind.

My third wall just had my bed and some fairy lights above. And finally the fourth wall has two doors, the one on the right being my walk in wardrobe and the one on the left being my bathroom.

Walk-in closet:

(I couldn't find pictures for the bedroom and bathroom that fit my vision however I will keep on looking and add them in if I find one😝)

Sighing, I grabbed my new designs from my table. They'd probably been sitting here for a week, I've not been back since. Flicking through my large black ring binder of designs, I checked I had everything I needed before closing my bedroom door again to head downstairs to my car. As I shut my door, I turned around to walk to the stairs, and passed by my oldest brother's room. Alessandro's room. He hadn't been back in 4 years. I hadn't heard from him in 4 years.

He left with Giovanni a week after dad's death. I was distraught. Everyone was leaving me. Everyone. First her, then Elena, then mum, then papa, then Alessandro and Giovanni. They promised to keep in touch, yet they never did. And from there, my life just got worse and worse. Sandy was my favourite. No. No. It's Alessandro. No nicknames. No attachments. Ever since I was born. My mum used to tell me stories about us, about how when I was a baby no one else could get me to sleep or stop crying except for him. She told me that when I learnt to walk, I kept following him around everywhere. I was called "mini-Sandro". Yet still, he left me without any contact. I was broken. And I will never forgive him. Never forgive them.

The rooms were done in age order. On the side with the stairs was oldest to youngest from left to right. Then, at the end of the corridor, the rooms twist round to finish the age order. So, I've had the pleasure of having my room opposite my oldest brother for the past 15 years. *note the sarcasm*

Sighing again, I rubbed my tired eyes and started to head down the stairs. I am tired. I am so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I try to sleep, but I'm plagued with nightmares. Nightmares from Elena's death, nightmares from the kidnapping, nightmares from the car crash, nightmares from... her death. Then, I occasionally sleep if I'm not stuck with work, and wake up still tired. Nothing helps. My therapy sessions have hit a dead end, my therapist wants me to go to group to try help more, I don't know how to get better, how to feel better.

Walking down the stairs, I fetch my keys out of my handbag, holding onto my sketchbook in the other. Getting to the bottom, I grab my jacket from the hanger and start to turn the handle of the front door.

I've got the door open and about to walk out, completely oblivious to the outside world and lost in my thoughts...

...until I hear a cough.

Shit. I've been spotted. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I slowly turn around, completely oblivious to what I would be met with. Or rather... who I would be met with...

All my brothers. All of them.

Including Alessandro and Giovanni.

Shit.

Well, there you go, dear reader. We are beginning to meet the brothers. All of them!

Are you excited?! I for sure am!

One quick question. Do you prefer more frequent smaller chapters or less frequent longer chapters? Cause writing them makes me realise how long it takes however when I read them back I realise they aren't that long😅 let me know what you would prefer!

Till next time, dear reader!