An Innocent Affair

IX

"Upon scanning the sky, you don't really know when one color turns into another hue. And that's sort of how I fell for you. No definitive line or moment, just a slow blend of time inked by the earth's unexplainable." Karl Kristian Flores, Cardiac Ablation

---- 

IX.

"People were taking note of you last night, Cressida." Mrs Martin rarely used Cressie's full name when they were not in company. Her tone immediately alerted Cressie to the fact that her mother was displeased. "I did not say anything last night as we were tired when we returned to the house, but I must address it now."

Cressie looked upon her eggs sadly. "Mama," she appealed, but she had nothing to offer in her defence that would appease her mother.

"I forget sometimes that you are not yet seventeen, and that you are a very young almost seventeen-year-old. I did my best to prepare you for your first Season, but I can see that I have not done well enough. Cressie, darling, we have been overthis. You cannot be seen to be laughing and joking with a man so openly. It speaks of intimacy beyond propriety!"

Cressie felt guilty, and only because she was supposed to. But really, it was not sincere. She had had a marvellous time at the ball the previous evening, and it had solely been because of Mr Jem ... Jem, as he had bid her call him, and his wit. What true harm could there be in a young man entertaining a lady with silly words?

She had laughed openly, and probably as hard as she ever had done. Cressie could not recall ever laughing so hard that tears had fallen from her eyes. And Jem had laughed, too.

Cressie had never known a man by his Christian name before, and to think of Jem as simply Jem was quite exciting. She didn't quite understand why it excited her, but it did. It was the same feeling she experienced when Jem called her 'Cressie'. No man had ever called her just 'Cressie' before. Perhaps her father had at some point in her life, but she had not been old enough to remember it.

Cressie very much liked that Jem knew her as such, and she felt very proud of the little secret that they shared.

But in looking into her mother's distraught grey-green eyes, she knew that such pride was inappropriate in that moment, and that she ought to replace it with shame, even though she had no desire to repent.

"We were only laughing, Mama," murmured Cressie.

Mrs Martin sighed. "And did any other gentleman ask you to dance afterwards?"

Cressie had rather thought it fortuitous that she had not been sought after by another gentleman as it had given her more time with Jem. She had not thought about it from horse auction perspective.

"I want you to have options, Cressie," insisted Mrs Martin. "I want you to use your beautiful face and your effervescent, youthful charm to collect as many worthy suitors as you can so that you may have your pick of who would make you happiest. But if you behave in such a way again, many will think you spoken for, and by a man with nought but two shillings to rub together."

Cressie knew that she needed to agree with her mother, but everything in her body was willing her to bag her head down on the table in frustration. Spoken for. What sort of an idea was that? How she hated the very notion of someone speaking for her.

"I know I do not need to remind you of what is at risk for us, Cressie."

Cressie did groan then, an unintendedly so. She gasped as soon as the noise had escaped her lips.

"I know I must exhaust you with worry about our impending ruin," uttered Mrs Martin coolly, with an element of hurt in her voice.

Cressie's appetite for her breakfast disappeared. She didn't like at all that her memories created with Jem from the night before were meant to be tarnished with guilt. She refused to do it. Perhaps it was naïve of her, but if her being seen laughing with her friend alarmed a potential suitor then Cressie would have no interest in anyone so fragile.