Seven Minutes From Heaven [bxb]

Chapter 35 - Unadulterated horror

A/N: I changed the cover because I don't think the other one was doing me any favours. This new one's totally different from my current themes, and feels totally uncomfortable for me to look at idk why, but I might trial it for a couple of days. I noticed a lot of covers with characters on them garner a lot of attention so let's seeeee. 

My dream is to PUBLISH so i need all the attention and feedback I can get for me to reach that level. Let me know your thoughts, and be honest if i should put the other one back! 

And yes this guy is exactly who I pictured Jude to be from the moment I created him in RS! (He was the original Arlo Augustine before I discovered Timothee Chalamet, so I saved him for another character lmao)

Enjoy diving into that embarrassing impulse from yesterday. Enjoy!

* * * 

Hup. Sitting on my bed at dad's house, I clasped my fingers over my mouth and choked on a gasp. That was the most humiliating day of my life, even worse than the stunt Josh pulled on me at church. What's more, I was the one who brought this on myself! There was no one else to blame but me. Just what in God's mighty name compelled me to do that? Blowing havoc like a fire bloody hurricane, swearing black and blue while fighting with... with my mum. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath, not willing to drown in my misery again. Yesterday was one hell of a trainwreck that I'd never repeat again. Screw facing emotions, and screw emotional intelligence. I was fine before then. 

It's not something I ever wanted to do again. 

And then Liam! What in the hell was I thinking? For one thing, I wasn't even gay. There was no way I really saw Liam in that kinda way. He's so cool that of course I'd wanna be close to him. That much was perfectly natural, right? And he was just right there. Everything inside me was like an electrical current, and I moved at lightning speed before I could even think about what I was doing. It was two seconds, both our lips locked and sealed, and I really don't know what came over me or why I felt compelled. I should never have done that.

Since we were both stunned into silence last night, he kinda just led me down the stairs and helped me into dad's car. He waved me off but didn't want a ride home. Did I do something really horrible? Was he mad? He wouldn't be too grossed out because he's fine and open minded about boys being close, but was he grossed out because it's me?

Why did I do that?

We haven't spoken since then, even though we shared three classes today. My mind wracked with all sorts of excuses but at the end of the day, I was hot headed and moved on impulse. My brain circuited – it's like I wasn't myself. Was it the work of the devil? No, I didn't feel like I could blame the devil for this. It was entirely me on my own. Did I think this way now that there was nobody left to drill into me the constant fear of death and punishment?

Now, as long as I didn't think too hard the threat of hell, it felt far enough removed not to bother me. I was slowly learning to stand back and see things from a more worldly perspective, operative word being slowly. I needed some counsel and guidance from somebody well versed in this area. And the king of worldly perspective and homosexuality would be... Charlie Rascal. Lucky for me, we'd somehow swapped numbers somewhere along the way, so I whipped my phone out and gave him a call.

"Caster," Charlie greeted me with familiarity while crunching food in his mouth. "What can I do ya for, my man?"

"I need help," I said, clutching my phone tight. Seeking help from the likes of Charlie Rascal was a lot for me, but I needed to get this off my chest. It's not like I could turn to the church.