How To Get a Boyfriend 101

14 : Saturday

Step Fourteen: Be confident! There's only one person like you out there, and that's you! So don't be shy to show the lucky boy who he should be honored to have crushing on him!

"Honored" is a strong word, I think. I prefer "appalled," simply because "disgusted" makes my heart do a sad boom.

What am I going to do today? I don't know. Probably be a couch potato and watch this new show I found, in which my life is reflected through the eyes of a straight, pretty girl. I'm on episode fourteen out of 101 (talk about coincidences) but I think I'll only watch until they get together. Then I'll just skip around and watch the rest, but I'm not sure if I'll even do that. I'm just thinking that 101 episodes is a lot. I pity the screenwriter.

I roll out of bed and hobble over to the kitchenette, and, lo and behold, Blake is standing there, cooking something.

On the mini stove.

Using fire.

~~~~~~~~~~

This is the last will and testament of me, Felix Gray, known to some as Lix, known to others as ThatOneGuyFromYourLocalFrenchClass.

          It has been, in general, a Sun-like life. I would like to thank Jason for making it bright, and Russell for making it hot. I would like to show my gratitude to Blake for being the cloudiest of days, blocking out the happiness and making the rain pour down.

          I shall now proceed to dedicate all of my possessions.

          To Blake, I give my Minecraft account, as a final plea of forgiveness for deleting his.

          To Russell, I give my collection of memes, and $142 to make up for the stuff he bought me at department store.

          To Jason, I give all of my music albums, the book How To Get a Boyfriend 101, my turtlenecks, my jeans, my hats, my scarves, my money (except the $142 that Russell gets), my dorm room deposit, my phone, my socks, my seventh-grade math notebook, my water bottles, my art projects, my makeup, my social media accounts' passwords, my flat iron, my hair accessories, my pillows, my post-its, my coffee, my unused gift cards, my polaroid camera, my black nail polish from that one emo phase in eighth grade, my socks (have I mentioned socks already? I don't know), my phone charger, my uneaten Bar-Taco kid's meal, my books, my birthday party invitations, my metronome, my pens and pencils, my empty bottle of honey, my tea kettle, my socks (yeah, I think I've mentioned those already), my lamp, my tape, my scissors, my forks, my gum packs, my crochet strings from the knitting club, my finished homework assignments, my eye mask, my purse, my Romeo and Juliet script, my calendar from last year, my alarm clock, my hairbrush, my teddy bears, my tea mugs, my doorknob, my giant "For Big Mistakes" eraser, my flamingo slippers, my jacket, my emoji plushies, my English packet, my cardboard boxes, my giant pink bow from Halloween, my chair, my tables, my socks (hahahahahaha), my sleeping bag, my couch, my computer, my French-to-English dictionary, my pincushion, my lightbulbs, my fake flowers, my deodorant, my face lotion, my skis, my yearbooks, my locker magnets, my dust bunnies, my sneakers, my sandals, my flip-flops, my high-heels that totally don't exist, my mysterious wooden box, my empty Gin bottle that has no reason to be in my room especially because I didn't drink it and I'm too young to own it, my band posters, my admirable report cards, my game controllers, my keyboards, my sponges, my TV, my shawl, my towel, my broccoli, my toothpicks, my spoons, my bracelets, my checkbooks, my rubber duckies, my perfume, my keychains, my socks (at this point it's just fun to write it), my coasters, my washing machines, my dirty laundry, my clean laundry, my empty soda cans, my rusty nails, my USB drives, my miniature sailboat, my windows and doors, my conditioner, my glasses, my headphones, my toothpaste, my nail file, my TV remote, my shoe laces, my socks (last time, I promise), my soy sauce packets, my stuffies, and, FINALLY, my tissues.