You know... When my oldest sister has her heart attack and had open heart surgery... I wrote a short story for her.. "Teaghan". It helped distract me from the guilt of not being able to go see her and from any bad news that I may get.
My mom is- was very supportive of my writing. Since I got the news, I can't explain how I feel. As cliche as it may sound, I'm numb. I have so many other responsibilities; my kids, taking over the care of my sixteen year old sister, adulting life with bills and funeral stuff to take care of. I was also the one who had to call or contact my family. I had to tell my older sister and my younger sister. I had to tell my mom's dad that his second child was gone. It was a lot.. Even though my entire world shifted the rest of the world goes on and a selfish unrealistic part of me finds that so unfair.
I haven't had a moment to take in my feelings. Perhaps, when the funeral is done? Maybe next month when Mother's Day comes? I just don't know how to process a life without her in it. And while I appreciate the sentiment behind it, my new biggest issues is people asking, "how are you?" Because again, I don't know. I obviously am hurting. But it still doesn't even feel real. A messed up part of my brain is still operating on her being in the hospital, alive and getting better...
So, I'm going to keep going until I can't. While doing all this thinking, just as with my sister, I've been working on a short story. I know, I know. I have SO SO many other stories to finish and update but my mind just can't reverse itself.
I am sorry for the vent...
For now any and all stories are on hold until further notice. I can't say with 100% certainty that I'll be able to complete them or WHEN I might. I do appreciate your patience, understanding, and support. I honestly can't say how much it means to me because there are no words.
Just thank you.