@stuck_in_the__clouds To lessen the horror, I just want to point out that it probably wasn't conscious for that last 18 months. Like at all. The brainstem alone doesn't have the necessary complexity to support a mind. Also, the things that can make awareness torturous (like physical pain, severe discomfort, various negative emotions) are processed/generated in specific brain regions. If those regions are completely destroyed, their phenomenological contributions to consciousness disappears (eg. if the amygdala region is removed, people lose the ability to feel fear, anger, etc.)