Iliana's POV
A year ago
"I'm worried about you Lia." April said through the phone. "I know you haven't been going to work since that day and I doubt you have even gotten out of the house."
"I just need some time alone... to process what they said. But I'm good."
"We both know that you're not good."
She's right, I'm anything but. The proof of that was in all the bottles of alcohol scattered around my room.
"I just need to think okay?"
I heard her sigh, "I'm just worried, Alex didn't take the news well either so I can't imagine how you are. She's worried about you too you know."
"I'll be fine Aps. Tell that to Alex too."
"I worry about you Lia, that's all." She said in a defeated tone.
"I know, I love you April."
"I love you too Lia."
I hang up after that not letting her say anything else. I know she's worried but I really don't want to talk with anyone right now. I just want to finish my bottle of vodka and cry in my room.
How pathetic I am.
As if the world was testing my patience I heard the doorbell ring. Just like it did yesterday and the day before and the day before that and ever since last week. Then my phone rang as I took a swig of the bottle, I watched it ring until it stopped and then rang again.
Giving in I stood up from the bed, which wasn't a very good idea as I almost fell as soon as I got up.
Crap I think I'm more drunk than I thought.
No matter I need to tell Emma to fuck off or else she's going to keep coming to check on me like I'm a child left alone at home.
I successfully managed to go down the stairs without tripping and rolling down. So I guess that's one good thing. I took a final swing of the bottle before putting it aside and opened the door.
"Emma."
"Finally you open the door."
"You just don't stop do you? Look I'm fine and alive so you can leave now. I swear all of you are going to drive me crazy." I complained while standing on the door blocking it.
"We care about you Iliana- are you drunk?" She asked.
"Not your problem." I tried to shut the door on her face but she caught it and walked inside and headed to the livingroom.
Emma as well as Alex and April have been there for me ever since the accident barely leaving my side. Emma went as far as to take time off her job so she didn't have to go back to Australia every so often and could stay here with us.
"Really?" Emma said as she looked at the empty bottles I've had left over the table.
I walked to her and started to push her out of the house but because I was lacking sleep and very much drunk my attempt to throw her out was useless. "If you came here to judge Emma you need to fuck off and leave me alone."
"I can't do-"
"And why can't you? Because the doctors told me they wanted to pull the fucking plug on my wife last week? Because she's- because she's not showing signs of getting better or ever waking up or is it because you all know Kai is as good as dead?! And now you and April think I'm going to what? Kill myself?" I was crying at this point, almost hysterical as Emma wordlessly embraced me while I struggled against her hold.
"I hate this, I'm fucking pathetic Emma. I- I can't lose Kai." I said now stopping struggling against her and just letting her hold me.
"You're not and you won't. You are the strongest person I know Iliana," she tried to comfort me with her words.
"I feel so broken and alone."
"You're not alone you have all of us, you have me and I'm not planning on leaving you. But alcohol is not the answer Iliana." She said while hugging me.
I pulled back and looked at her, "And what else am I supposed to do?" I asked but she just averted her gaze not answering.
In that moment I don't know what came over me, I don't know what was I thinking when I leaned in and kissed her. Emma took a moment to realize what was happening and just when I thought she was going to kiss me back she pushed me away a bit.
"We can't... Iliana you're drunk it's not right."
"Who cares if I'm drunk or not, don't act like you do."
She shook her head, "I don't like-"
"Like me? I've seen how you look at me since we met, when you think I'm not watching. How you stared more than you should," I chuckled. "Even she noticed, everyone did."
I shouldn't have opened the door that day. Not in that state at least because it would come to be the biggest regret of my life.
"I need this Emma ple-"
Emma didn't let me finish as she smashed her lips back on mine. She seemed to be eager as she was already trying to take off my shirt and then threw me in the nearest couch. I didn't do anything I'm not even sure if I was kissing back, I just felt empty as I let her do whatever she wanted with me.
But I felt nothing.
Because I didn't love her or even liked her in that way. As harsh as it sounds she just happened to be there.
I knew it was a bad idea, so fucking bad but I wasn't thinking clearly. I just needed to feel something.
After what happened that day Emma became even more clingy. I just thought she was attracted to me and nothing else but again I was wrong.
"You're just going to pretend nothing happened?" Emma said, once again at my front door.
"Yes! Because it shouldn't had happened, I was drunk and it was a mistake so forget it Emma!"
"I can't forget it!"
"And why not it was just sex!" I exclaimed in frustration.
"Because I love you."
Shit.
"No you don't."
"Yes I do," she retorted.
I shook my head, "You can't. I love Kai."
She scoffed, "Now you think of her."
That got me pissed off more than I already was.
"Get out of here Emma and don't come back. I don't want to see you again." I shut the door on her face and locked it.
I felt awful, I didn't just cheat on Kai but I also used Emma. I knew she felt something for me and I took advantage of that and now I have to live with my actions.
"Fuck."
Emma didn't come back after that day, she disappeared into thin air almost, the only thing I knew about her was that she went back to Australia and that I knew it because that's what she told to April.
I was relieved because she was gone so no one knew what happened so I thought I could leave it like that. Just a dirty secret.
How wrong I was.
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