Before I Met You

22: "Not Yet."

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢 𝚃𝚠𝚘

 "𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚈𝚎𝚝."

AT AROUND ONE in the morning I hear a light tap on the door to my room. After a couple seconds I see Elena quietly sneak in and close it behind her.

"What are you doing?" I whisper.

She strips the covers away from my body and climbs into my bed before she presses her lips to mine. I'm too uncomfortable doing this in my parents house. What if they come in here for something? It's just another reason for my dad to be disappointed in me.

"Elena." I pull away desperately and try to look at her face in the dark. "What are you doing?"

"I need it." She half whimpers, tugging on my heart strings. "I don't want to do something stupid, Xav. I'm going insane thinking about it. I haven't slept. I-I'm worried if you don't help me then I'm going to go elsewhere. I'm not in a good place."

"Hey." I reach out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I knew I shouldn't have done what I did to you earlier. You just make it so hard sometimes."

"Can we please do something?" She begs. "I just need to get this feeling out of my system. It's agonizing."

"What if you go on a binge afterwards?" I ask. "I don't want you to be in such a bad place being here with my family. What if doing something isn't going to help you?"

Not only am I concerned about her, but I'm also not enjoying the feeling of being used. I feel like at times it's not me that she's into. It's just how I can make her feel. I don't know if I like that.

What the hell am I saying though? Isn't this what I used to do? A couple months ago I would kill to have found a girl like this. A girl that wouldn't get attached to me. A girl that I could just do stuff with every now and then and forget about until I needed it again.

But with her I'm not that guy anymore. She's here with me. At my parents house in New York. The place I hate the most. If she was just another girl she wouldn't be here with me right now. That's why it's irritating me so much that I can't figure out whether or not she's really into me or just what I can do for her.

"Listen..." She finally breathes out and looks at me again. "Before you, I wouldn't have come to you to ask. I would have gone straight to the first person who I knew would do something with me. I can feel myself getting better. The weird thing is that it's not just that I'm getting sexually frustrated. I'm getting sexually frustrated over you. That hasn't happened to me before, so it must mean something."

"Oh yeah?" I smirk, some worries of mine fading away. "And what does that mean?"

"It means..." She dips underneath the covers and tugs at my briefs. "That I think I'm ready to do more."

I'm already rock hard just from her kiss. I've been waiting to do this with her for a long time now. For months. Before I can tell her no, she releases me from my briefs and sticks her mouth directly on me.

"Fuck." I whisper and throw my head back against the pillow as I watch her head bob up and down under the blanket. I thought it would feel good with her, but never this good.

Even if I wanted to stop her I couldn't. I won't really know if this is a bad idea or not until after it's over with. It was her idea, and yeah, I could have stopped her, but I don't have that ability anymore. I've wanted this for way too long and it's blowing all of my expectations completely out of the water.