Shadows

Chapter Six

I hadn't seen him since the day he saved my life, which was a week ago, and I purposefully avoided him when at the palace. He knew I was avoiding him. But I would stare up at my ceiling at night wondering if I had imagined the lust lingering in his eyes, or the pain in the slope of his shoulders, perhaps the fear in Aenessa's eyes as I walked away. I was praying I hadn't imagined it all, that I wasn't deluding myself on these matters, but Adi stayed away and I knew that it was all real due to her response.

The letter from Icas lay untouched by my bed, the seal a reminder of the sins I had committed with him, his scratchy handwriting a reminder that he was still dedicated. Was I? I hadn't had sex since he was exiled, did that count? I'd been so close to giving my heart to another, given Damarion everything that I possibly could without losing myself. But I had lost myself. I lost myself in his words, in his lies, in his arms, and in his world. How could I go back to Icas when there was Damarion? Damarion who seemed like he could do anything, like holding up the worlds for me. All I wanted was to see him smile, to feel the warmth that I knew could radiate from him, yet I knew that years would only be able to allow him to be truly comfortable- because he wasn't now- and Icas, well, Icas had given me everything I wanted and needed. And I loved him, didn't I?

No, I don't think I loved him as strongly anymore. I suppose that came with having someone else take my heart without even asking.

But I still wanted to read the letter, out of curiosity, though I knew that it would only pain me after. Yet I took it to the palace with me one day, sat down on the back lawn, the grass tickling in between my toes, wind gently blowing, and opened it. I shouldn't have been surprised by its contents.

Dear Gaetho,

I hate to inform you that news of your Asgardian suitor is widespread across Asgard and many of the realms that they govern. Of course I would prefer if you married my brother, but alas I have no say in this do I? Then again, I would prefer if you married me more than anyone else- do I have need to proclaim my love for you again? It has been a year and a half since I last laid eyes on you, but news of you always circulates the bars of Asgard, and pictures of a strong likeness to you are shown. I miss you. I miss you more than I can convey in words- that was your forte. Please bless me with a letter back, your elegant script I yearn to see, to hear your voice, that would be a sin I know, but I long for you to be back by my side- even for a moment! I know flattery does not fall on your ears without a strong complaint or glare, I know that you hate to be pushed down and accused of not being strong enough to do something- I love you for it. For your stubborn pride, and chestnut brown eyes, for your sharp temper and words, for your love of philosophy and poetry.

Gods was I always this tongue tied? Knowing me, I most likely was in your presence- all the men of the court were, I don't think that's changed either. I love you Gaetho Adellum Veleris, and even if you don't return the affection (though I wish you would) please grace me with a letter.

Your Humble Servant

Icas Le Deaux

"Gaetho?" A voice whispered, and I looked up, wiping the tears from my face I had not realized I was beginning to shed. Then I realized it was Damarion, his dark eyes filled with worry, and I didn't care if he was lying or not, I just wanted to cry. I looked back out at the trees swaying gently in the breeze, the summer sun still hot but not touching my skin; and I handed him the letter, ignoring the feeling his touch supplied. His eyes skimmed it and I sighed, wondering when I had gotten stuck between two men.

Birds were fighting in the sky. Bald eagles. "This could be counted as treason Gae." He whispered, eyes staring intently at me and I sighed again. "I would say my mother wouldn't care if I was indicted, but if I was then she would lose the position of the mother of the Queen of Asgard and just be regarded as a woman who raised a traitor." I responded, voice soft and he nodded, eyes flickering to something behind me. "Ladies in waiting, walking down the corridor to us." He stated, voice low and I laid back, the slope of the hill obscuring some of my face. "If anyone ever asks I was never here." I chirped and he chuckled, and I wondered briefly if he was hot in his outfit of black and white- I suppose he wasn't, seeing he was wearing more light colors than dark.