Turn Pain Into Power

Chapter 8 - You Get Overwhelmed By Emotion. Now What?

Sometimes it's too late. You're overwhelmed with emotion and there is no chance for you to control the thinking behind it. What do you do now?

First, don't be too hard on yourself. This is a life-saving feature of humanity. In the past, if you crossed paths with a tiger, you didn't have time to consider how you thought about it. You needed to go. Now. As a result, the larger part of your brain is still that ancient part that has evolved for survival over thousands of years. It isn't under your conscious control and you don't stand much chance if it takes off in the wrong direction. Imagine you're riding an elephant. You can steer the elephant in the right direction while it's calm, but if the elephant decides to charge...

Sometimes you end up thinking obsessively about something. If you've ever uttered the phrase 'I just can't get over it' or 'I just can't stop thinking about it' then you know the feeling. It doesn't matter if it's a big or small issue in reality. For some reason, your mind has latched onto this idea and the cascade of emotion that follows is unstoppable as a result. If you get to this point, your only resort is to control your actions.

Breathe

Breathing exercises are proven to be highly effective. Strong emotional responses produce strong physical responses (emotions à action). Your body responds to perceived threats by deactivating nonessential systems and puts everything toward survival. Even your immune system shuts off! The human body is an amazing machine.

Among the parts of the body that receive reduced blood flow are the executive functions of the brain (the prefrontal cortex). What this means is that, in a stressful situation, you aren't as thoughtful. Yes, under stress you get dumber. You become more instinctive and reactive. Ever shake your head at someone and wonder 'What were they thinking?' Depending on the situation, there is a good chance they weren't.

Taking long, deep, slow breaths tells your brain and your nervous system to stand down from red alert. It tells your brain that you are in a calm situation and that it's okay to relax, because that's how you breathe when everything is fine. Maybe you are really engaged by what I'm talking about but what if I told you......to............just...........................slow........................................down.

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Feel better now :)?

Using an action like breathing can influence your emotions and calm your thinking. Try this: Inhale slowly through your nose (4 seconds), hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale through your mouth like you are breathing through a straw (4 seconds) and wait 4 seconds before taking your next inhale. This deactivates the stress response center of the brain, allowing blood to return to the thinking parts of your brain. Give it a try right now.

In the modern world, most people don't run into tigers day-to-day but there are a lot of substitutes. It could be your jerk boss or the fact that you're behind on the rent or because you think your boyfriend is cheating on you. It doesn't matter. The physical response to the stress is the same.

Here's the really crazy part. Your brain can't actually tell the difference between an event that is happening and one you are thinking about happening. That's why you can make yourself feel happy thinking about your lover telling you how much they love you or your daughter waving good-bye or your friend giving you a big warm hug. It's also why you can make yourself feel terrible by thinking about those you've lost in your life.

Breathe. It works. Deep, long, slow breaths. How long should you breathe for? Until you can think clearly.

Stop Everything and Attack! – Get Out of an Emotional Death Spiral

You literally cannot think the same during very stressful situations. Your thoughts become more automatic and reactive. This is characteristic of an emotional death spiral.

Remember the elephant? If you act quickly enough and use all your might, you have a chance to get the elephant back under control. But once it charges...good luck. If you can't pull out of an emotional death spiral by changing your thoughts, you need to act immediately. The only thing I've ever found to be successful is to stop what I'm doing, focus 100% on the issues driving my emotions, and do everything possible to get back to normal.

It could mean leaving work early, going to the gym, running until you're exhausted, screaming into a pillow or writing your feelings down until your hand hurts. Do whatever (healthy) thing it takes to get back in control.

Physical exercise is the most reliable and effective. If you are in an emotional spiral that is likely to push you to do something you don't want to, working out until you fall over is a guaranteed way to eliminate or at least seriously dampen those emotions.

During exercise, your body produces all sorts of chemicals that make you feel good. Exercise also regulates your breathing and blood pressure. You're basically taking back control of your emotions by force. Since you physically don't think the same when you are in an emotional spiral, this might be the only way out for you.

There are lots of possible techniques. I think exercise is the simplest and best. Find those that work for you. Build a menu of options. Sometimes you won't be able to drop what you are doing and head to the gym. Find what works and use it.

Mute the Damage Now and Forgive Yourself After

You get to the point where it's too late. You're doing something you don't want to because you can't control your thoughts or your actions. At this point all you can do is reduce the damage as much as possible, forgive yourself for whatever you did after, apologize to whomever you need to apologize to and clean up the mess.

It's not going to feel great if you've told yourself you're never going to smoke/drink/drugs/etc. again, and then you do, but beating yourself up won't help. It's okay to not succeed immediately. Don't get discouraged. One of the reasons you don't make progress is because you're afraid of failing again. Don't be afraid to fail. It's okay to fail so long as you never give up.

The Way Forward

Don't expect a quick fix. It's going to take time to dig all the crap out of your garden. Be patient.

And really, what were you expecting? How long have you been alive? Do you really think that years or decades of shitty thinking can get resolved in one session? Come on...

The most important thing is for you to make a decision. Simply decide that you want to make a change in your life. That's all it takes. Use Look In & Learn for a sufficient amount of time and it is guaranteed to work. However bad things are for you, this is the light at the end of the tunnel. This is the hope you've been looking for. Keep working and making progress. Imagine clearing out a giant building full of garbage. At first, all the effort doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere. Eventually, you will have cleaned up enough junk that you will start to see progress. Then you'll get excited because your life is turning around.

You don't have to love your life situation or what has happened to you in life. But it has. Use it. Mine every ounce of Treasure from every situation and your life will be rich indeed.