Within/Without

chapter forty-one.

Val

Most of the flights back home were booked, so I end up settling for a later one. I spend a listless number of hours in the airport, ordering coffee and tacos and more coffee and trying to console myself. A part of me wants to believe Simon, wants to trust all the good parts of him that I know exist. The other, bigger part of me is—frustrated. That's the only way I can think to describe the scathed feeling inside of me, like a wire that's been split open. He lied all these years, and I forgave him, and then he does it again. Who else do I have to blame but myself? I trusted him, after all. I did.

    I'm on my third cup of coffee when Jo finally picks up. I called her as soon as I left the hotel, but she must have been at work, because it went straight to voicemail. All I've been thinking about since I found out why Simon really brought me here are worst-case scenarios. What if whoever's looking for him and Larry come after Jo and Charlie, too? If Simon's in danger, I'm in danger, which means Jo and Charlie are in danger, too. Not that Simon, obviously, cared to consider that.

    "Jesus Christ! Look who finally decided to call," Jo answers, her voice so loud that it sounds sort of staticky. "I was beginning to think that boy had kidnapped you and left you in a ditch somewhere."

    "He did."

    "J—what?"

    "An emotional ditch."

    Jo pauses.When she speaks next, her voice is both quieter and less intense. "That is a very dramatic way to put it, which I don't appreciate, but please tell me what happened."

    I thank the barista for my latte and turn to head back down the terminal. Another plane must have just landed, for a sea of people suddenly come flooding down the terminal hall, the rumble of their suitcases against the tiles like a low warble of thunder. I step to the side, out of their way. "Simon's connected to some...not so great people," I explain, unable to think of any better way to put it. "Turns out he took me out of town just to get me away from them."

    Jo seems confused. "And he didn't tell you?"

    "No. He lied about it. Showboated around like it was some nice, romantic trip he wanted to take me on, when in reality he was holding me hostage," I say. It's a brutal way of putting it, but it's the truth, is it not? "Not to mention he didn't warn you and Charlie, either."

    "Bastard," Jo agrees. "But still, who—who would be after him? You said he's an English major, right? I just can't see a book nerd involved in a drug ring."

    "It's not that," I say, taking a seat at my gate. The sun has started to set, the sky beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows a vibrant pinkish-purple, stars beginning to pepper in between the clouds. "Look, there's something I should have told you a long time ago. About Simon. And I'm sorry I kept it from you, but it's sort of a big deal."

    "What are you talking about?"

    "So I'm going to explain now," I tell her. "I'm going to explain everything."

    And I do.

    At first it's hard to say anything, but soon enough, it all comes tumbling out. I tell her that Simon's a shapeshifter, that he was born that way and hasn't been able to change it ever since. I tell her that, though I technically met the most real, honest version of him a few months ago, we've known each other since the sixth grade. I tell her about Larry and how Simon described him as dangerous, how he's the likely reason people are looking for Simon. I tell her absolutely everything, because I'm afraid I'll burst from the inside out if I don't.

    Jo is silent for a moment, an awful moment where I'm worried, really, that she doesn't believe me.

    But then she says: "Okay."