NARCISSISM WEDS INTROVERSION

Mastitis!

One night during the act, Achieng’ woke up and wanted to feed immediately. I immediately diverted my mind back to Achieng and the act was forgotten. I felt some relief since it was something i was doing because he wanted it. It felt so terrible every minute he would lay a finger on me with an intention. While Achieng was trying  to grab my breast in her sleep, I felt something painful on my left breast that I believed I had felt at a moment, but ignored. I let Achieng feed and thereafter, I checked on it to see if I could figure it out. I kept a close eye on it wanting to know what it is, only to realize that it would grow larger and more painful.  I had already ruled out mastitis because I thought it was specific to livestock. I couldn’t get cancer off my head because that was the only breast trauma I knew about.

When morning came, I shared with Kev what I felt and as always he would react with care but still do nothing about it, unless money is involved. The lump kept on growing so tender and with a lot of pain that when I decided to see a doctor, it was already late. A scan was done on the breast and was immediately asked to see a gynecologist. Finding a gynecologist wasn’t easy. So I contacted my uncle, a retired doctor, who connected me to a gynecologist.  When I went to see a gynecologist, it was confirmed to me that I had contracted a breast abscess, commonly known as mastitis, a bacterial infection of the breast that involves inflammation of the breast tissues.  I was immediately put on medication to facilitate bursting of the sore. When the sore burst, Kev was required to stay back with little Achieng’ as I was going to spend two days at the hospital. 

A narcissist hates responsibility and would do everything possible to avoid responsibility. Asking him to stay back with Achieng was a big hell of work he couldn’t do, instead he sponsored his sister to come and take care of her. Kev’s sister left immediately after I returned from the hospital. . Kev was available but you would not rely on him for any physical support despite the pain I was feeling. All he normally did was stream the internet and change television channels. He couldn’t even hold a crying baby claiming that the child was noisy. I had to find a way of going about the house chores with the bandaged breast after a minor surgery. The best way to go about a breast abscess is for the specialist to perform a minor surgery of drainage and incision.

He would stare at me, go through so much pain cleaning the house or even bathe the baby but he would not think of helping me, instead he would ask to know if the pain is mild or intense. Going through hell then, it was clear to me that I could not count on him for anything except the seven dollars he used to give me. I would wake up, do the normal house chores, take a shower, prepare Achieng and leave for the hospital for wound dressing. It went on that way until I recovered. Desh traveled to the city to come and see how far I was faring. We stayed with Desh for some time before she could travel back. 

When Desh was returning to her city,I already had other plans. I wanted to go for driving classes and later proceed to plant operation. We had a discussion to talk about my plans since I had already told him about them. Kev told me right to my eye that a woman should leave their home fully educated, not being taken to school by her man. I was  surprised! I again brought the topic of going to introduce himself at our  home. I was sure he had spoken to his family about what I wanted and they did not accept it. And so he told me that it was too early to go home, and that we needed another five years to ascertain that the relationship would last. I felt betrayed because I wasn't expecting that after four years together.I recalled the things i have been through staying with him, how submissive i had been to him and his family, trying to prove my worth to him.. I regretted everything. I regretted ever having a child for him, washing his dirty undies and clothes filled with sweat and much more.