Cause I don't even care about the time I got left here
The only thing I know now is that I want to spend it with you.
The Loneliest- Måneskin
T/W: self-harm, suicide attempt
November 10, 2020
Note: (Play the piece above ("Charms" not "The Loneliest") when the chapter indicates for an enhanced experience )
San POV:
"You did WHAT!??"
"You heard me loud and clear. We're transferring you to KQ by the end of this month. Get ready."
"Why KQ of all places!?"
"Don't play dumb, San. You know the reason perfectly well."
Oh but of course, I do.
Kimberly Quinn (A/N: not a real person lmao I was just struggling to come up with names-) Baptist Boarding School. Where all the rebellious delinquents of Christian schools and churches like mine get sent. The "failed" children of otherwise perfect church families- druggies, alcoholics, teenagers who'd risked having premarital sexual relations, queer kids who'd been outed by someone they had trusted or by accident; or simply kids who had dared to voice their disagreements with the faith and the church's rules.
In conclusion, it was whatever the parents deemed was bad enough- too bad for them to "deal" with on their own anymore.
Kimberly Quinn, the founder of the school, had never initially even intended for it to become a literal religious "rehab center" disguised as a school. While she had been alive it had been mostly filled with the most upright of religious teenagers who'd chosen the school itself due to the rigorous spiritual training it offered, along with ridiculously strict rules to "keep discipline in check."
It was only after all the stories and positive feedbacks about the students' experiences at the school had reached the ears of churches all over the country that more and more parents started to consider sending the disappointments of their families there. Kids they'd practically given up on, hoping life in the school- whose training had become even more rigid after Mrs. Quinn's nephew took over- could finally fix them.
Nobody seemed to hear the stories of the few "good" kids who'd gone and hated every moment of it, resulting in them leaving the church once and for all. Their stories were always overlooked; overshadowed by what the people would rather hear.
A brief yet brilliant thought flashes through my mind in that moment, as my father rambles on about my shameless, inexcusable behavior in the background.
It would be so easy to just end it all- right here, today. I'd wanted it for years. I'd been waiting- waiting for what I myself had no idea. Perhaps, deep inside, I'd always longed for someone to deliver me from the dark, abysmal mess that is my life.
But it's only ever getting worse, and I'm tired of waiting on a fate that will never be mine. I am tired of waiting for things to take a turn for the better, because it's not working. Every time it looks like it's getting better, it's only the calm before the next upcoming storm. Life thinks she's doing me a favor for those rare moments, pretentious bitch she is. The calm before the storm has never once served a purpose in the actual storm, and never will.
How long do I have to wait for freedom? Does it really come at eighteen, like I'd always thought it does? Because it doesn't seem like it anymore. Even after I'll be free to leave my family, there's no guarantee the parasites eating away at my brain will leave anytime soon.
YOU ARE READING
Lucifer | Woosan
Fanfiction"If they'd heard us right now, they'd say we'd gone crazy. That we lost our fucking minds." "That's what they'd always said, you know. About you and me."
