08

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by stylrez

by stylrez

— REAL LIFE

PAIGE BUECKERS

"YOU KNEW?!?!" I yell, shoving Azzi's shoulders, not too hard but hard enough she stumbles.

"That was not my place to tell you, it is for you to figure out," Azzi's voice was calm, but her eyes so wide you knew there was nothing remotely close to calm going on inside her head. The second I got back to my dorm, Azzi knew what had happened. She calmed me down, stroking my back, letting me cry. But the second she admitted to already knowing she was here, I was anything but calm.

"You couldn't have given me a warning? A- a heads up or something?! I looked like a fool, backing up from her, like I was scared. We weren't supposed to see each other like that, not this soon." My voice is raspy, fighting the urge to break in sobs.

"It's been 3 years, I don't know what kind of 'soon' you're talking about. You had 3 years to say something. It is not my place to patch what you-," she shoves a finger into my chest, "-broke. Do not expect me to solve a problem I had no place in."

"I tried!" I say, throwing my head back in exasperation, "For a year straight, I called and called, it wouldn't even go through. The next year, I wrote her hundreds of letters, no response. I gave up. You don't think I tried, you- you don't think I spent everyday wishing I could fix it? You don't think I spent every waking minute thinking about her? I did everything I could to reach her, nothing. I wanted more, I wanted to be able to explain before I saw her. But I couldn't, I never want to see that look of betrayal on her face again. I can't stand it." I was tearing up now, knowing I hated crying, but I couldn't stop.

"I know. I watched you suffer everyday for 3 years, I never want to see that again either. But I knew that if I told you, you would never admit your mistake. You would sit and sulk, doing your best to ignore her. I had to let you figure out on your own." Azzi grabbed my hands, forcing me to look at her. My whole life had just changed in the span of 1 day. I had no clue what was next.

"What do I do?" I croaked out, in a soft whisper.

"Give her some space, not forever, you both have been waiting for each other for too long. Let her process. But do not ignore this situation, and pretend it never happened. Do not go on with your life, hoping you can forget the past. This on you, P, if you want her or not, your decision. Talk to her, and do not give up on her. I can't even imagine what she has gone through, she will not come around easy. She is fragile, and you already broke her once. She loved you Paige. You have to explain what really happened. No half-ass apologies, and if you are going to say 'I'm sorry,' mean it. Apologies are nothing if you don't mean them." Azzi explained. I do not blame her for the critics she is giving out to me, she hated me too once. When I told her what I did, she was livid. She came around, but ever since she has been making sure I never make that same mistake again.

I nod, letting the tears slip out as she pulls me closer. She may not agree with everything I do, but she will sure as hell make sure I am okay. That's what I love about her, she cares and loves universally. I cannot hold back the sobs that escape from me, I am so confused, so lost.

"If you feel like you cannot do it, remember, God put her in your life again. That has to mean something, use it Paige. Do not lose her again." She softly said, wiping the tears from my eyes.

I laid in bed that night staring into the ceiling until everything in sight blended together and became one. I wondered what I was going to say, and how I was going to do it. If she would even let me near her. That's what hurts me the most. Not knowing how she is doing, or how she feels, all of these years. I drift off to sleep with only the thoughts of her and the tear stains by my eyes.

LEIGHTON PRINCE

Sobs continue and continue as I lay in Avery's arm's. "Shh," She whispers softly. She does not ask me what's wrong, but immediately comforts me. The tears will not quit escaping my eyes, no matter what I do. I hiccup profusely, as if my body does not want me admitting the truth either.

"What's wrong?" Avery asks.

"I can't- I can't tell you." I hiccup out.

She stares for a second, debating what to say next.
"Well, that's okay. You don't have to tell me, but I need to know if you are going to be okay or not."

The weird thing is, I have no answer to that question. I am definitely not okay right now, and I'm not sure if I ever will. I plaster a smile on my face as I explain that I will be okay, sooner or later. She wipes my face and tells me to take a nap, knowing how much I love them. I am grateful for her.

Avery leaves our dorm to grab me some food from the dining hall, while I am forced to sit in my own sorrow. I stare at the popcorn ceilings and wonder what will happen next. I wonder if it will be best for me to ignore her and pretend the situation never happened. Pretend I have no idea who Paige is, and I never have. Maybe that will be easier than remembering the Paige I knew.

I am distracted from my thoughts when my phone chimes and the bright screen fills the room. Picking it up with shaky hands, I see that it is an email from Professor Owen's.

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Leighton Prince
Trainer and Athlete Assignments
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TRAINER AND ATHLETE ASSIGNMENTS

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I put my head in my hands and almost laugh at the irony. Only until the realization hits me and I am back to square one, crying uncontrollably, wondering why this is all happening to me.

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welp