Lucifer | Woosan

25: "Hearts" (San)

A/N: This is mostly like the last chapter, just in San's POV because I'm a dumbass and I should have just written the whole fic in 3rd person view instead from the beginning I'm sorry.

T/W: Mentions of self-harm and sexual assault

San POV:

Some days are yellow- happy and full of sunlight, smiles, laughs, and carefree bliss.

Some days are blue- neither happy nor sad in particular, but good days nonetheless- life is still worth living.

And some days are black- days you wish to erase from your memory once and for all. You want to forget, you want it so desperately you'd sell your soul to be able to finally close your eyes without reliving it over and over again. To be able to finally sleep without waking up in cold sweat every other night, a scream prying open your lips and your pillow soaked in tears.

Ever since that day- the first Black Day of my life, I'd been struggling to survive, living every other day on autopilot. Yellow days had become a thing of the past altogether, and I could no longer recall the last time I'd felt truly happy.

For a consecutive three years, every day since had been gray. Granted, sometimes the shades varied- like when Seonghwa came back. Or when I spent time with Wooyoung.

I'd never admit it out loud, but he'd grown on me. I'd taken somewhat of a liking to him ever since the day he's stayed with me at the hospital. If not for his adamant devotion to the church and its laws, we might have had more to bond over. It also doesn't help that he is so very uncannily similar to the me before "All This."

But of course, the good things never last long- at least not for me. My best friend that I hadn't heard from in years had come back, Wooyoung was there, a sort of friend group like the one back in middle school was just starting to form- it was all too good to be true, it seemed.

And it was- I'd managed to get myself expelled from school almost as fast as it had all happened.

It was all so fast, too fast. I still hadn't completely processed it. And where would I go, if not Aurora Chirstian High? Halazia was the only other local option- but the chance of my parents getting me enrolled there is as low as low can possibly get.

So I try not to worry about it. I try not to think about what awaits me now, try not to think about what will go down when my parents finally settle down to have "The Talk"- which they most certainly will.

And I try so hard not to think about Wooyoung, and if they get to him. Or worse, if he gets to him.

Wooyoung- a wave of heat sweeps over my face as I remember what had taken place just yesterday. Twelve-year-old me would have cried if he'd seen me doing the most unholy things imaginable in the proclaimed "Holy place" that is church.

He would have cried even harder if he knew how I'd enjoyed every last little bit of it to the end.

Whore. You proved them all right.

"San? How much longer are you going to lie in bed?" Mom screams from behind the closed door. "Just because you're not going to school anymore doesn't mean you can just do whatever you like now."

But I'm tired, Mom. Your son is exhausted, and life has become too much for him. Gone is the little boy who'd bound up and out of bed at the first ray of morning sunlight breaking through the glass, excited for what the new day might bring. He's gone, your people had killed him off. And you are one of them- played the biggest role in it actually.