🥀 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐬 🥀

🥀 Never Mine 🥀

🥀

Nicotine, as I feel it, courses through
my veins, blinding my despair,
sweetening my hurt, numbing my pain.

My eyesight, shadowy and bleary;
my vision, flickering in and out;
my mind, empty and hollow.

My surroundings merged with my
imagination, the warmth of the
drug comforting me like she used to.

Suddenly, I hear it — that sweet,
sweet laugh, ringing in my ear,
playing on repeat in my head.

I jolt up, to turn left and right, to
look all around my dark room, only
to find no one else but myself.

But with each passing second, I
hear it over and over, the laugh I once
adored and admired with all my heart.

It taunts me, the sound of it.
It haunts me, the sensation it sowed.
It hurt me, the fact it is only imaginary.

The fact that I no longer cause it;
the feeling that I'll never hear it again,
the realisation that it'd only be illusion.

My eyes slowly well up with tears,
crawling down my sunken cheeks, my
breath hitching in the back of my throat.

I let myself cry for the umpteenth time,
mentally begging for some relief, internally hoping for a reprieve from it.

But alas, the knife in my heart only twisted in deeper and deeper in,
making my soul bleed remorselessly.

Then, as if my mind wanted to
torture me further, came the sight of
her smile, clear yet blurry in my head.

My eyes fall shut as I stare on endlessly, as though I'll lose the most
gorgeous image I'll ever have of her.

I stare intently at the stunning curl up
of her perfect lips, at the adorable
dimples digging into her rosy cheeks.

I watch admiringly how her bambi eyes,
toned with the finest whiskey, crinkle
into the prettiest phase of the moon.

My eyes flutter open, immediately
searching for that heart-warming
sight, but to no avail.

The drug's effect wears down fast,
far too quickly as I am now left to
the slicing pain defenceless.

A sob lodges itself in my throat, as
my head heavy with images and
sounds that only hurt to reminisce.

I force myself up, letting out the cry
as my nimble fingers reach for the
half-full syringe on the ground.

My bony hands shake as they grip
the instrument tight, my mind begging
me to just throw it away, for my sake.

But my heart refuses, willing my
fingers to tighten their hold and bring
the mind-numbing drug closer.

My mind warns, too much is left
in the barrel, but my heart cries,
enough it is never for my wound.

My mind begs for me to reconsider,
my heart begs me to continue on,
and I, just wish for the pain to go away.

As I let the needle pierce my vein, I
could hear the anger of my mind,
could hear the joy of my heart.

And I, I could hear my satisfaction as
the warm drug embraces me with
the promise of a life-long relief.

My vision, bleary, slowly blacks
in and out, my surroundings merging
with illusion, my hurt dying down.

And as I succumb to the slowly
growing darkness that blankets my
vision, only one fleeting thought comes.

'No longer, is she mine.
Never, will she ever be mine.'

🥀