My Journal

something I really have to get out

I was told something by a very close friend of my mother's and it was confirmed by someone else.

I was a dirty little secret back in the 70's for the Andrews side of the family. You would say. My own aunt did not even know.

Talk about horror story on top of horror story. My God!

Sure I kept some of it a buried secret myself and not told anyone about this childhood horror story because it started at year old until I was 13 and I put my foot down that I wanted no more of it.

I was a fuckin lab rat. From wires stuck to your head, every scan they had available.

X-ray's, psych testing, blood test, urine test, all kinds of tests you could think of back in those days.

I had heightened hearing which I hed. But I had a speech impairment, ADHD, brain damage on my main nervous system in my brain, tremors in my right hand, emotional impairment, delay in some aging category. Mind delays.

Plus my special doctor I had to see no joke was Dr. Frankenstein.

Tell that one to kids you go to school with that already bully because you're different.

Anyways it started when my mom was pregnant with me before my parents were even married.

My dad brought her home here to Michigan and we'll my grandpa told my dad to either have me aborted or send my mother back where she came from.

My dad married my mom instead. Well I was born and they started having problems with me.

I was escaping the crib in the middle of the night. They tried to put a net over my crib to keep me in but I figured out how to escape.

I was a monkey always climbing. I would scare the living hell out of my parents for being so young and trying to figure out how I get so high up or in a damn.

I would leave them scratching the back of their heads because I was so little and so tiny.

Imagine a 1 1/2 old climbing up trees and high places that was me hiding.

I was trying to fucking hide any where I could.

I even did the same thing when I had to stay in one or the other hospitals.

I would sneak away and hide. I hated staying there and being a lab rat.

I had my own language to talk. It was weird. I had to go to speech therapy everyday in school to learn how to talk normally.

Kids would pick on me and bully me from when I started kindergarten.

It was horrible. I learned to stay invisible except I had made one friend growing up in school and then my husband now and my cousin.

When my cousin and my husband were growing up and I got to go stay at my uncle's house it was like we were the three musketeers.

They understood even when I hid behind them when kids would show up.

I was always a tomboy but I was made to wear dresses and I hated it with a passion until hit my teenage years and I got to pick my own clothes and I was a tomboy all the time.

One of my surgeries when I was little I woke up inside of an oxygen tent.

I started screaming bloody murder and tried to escape the damn scary ass thing.

Back then those things were scary as hell and you really can't see through them.

You only see shadows. Imagine that as a child. That's terrifying.