Theodore & The 7 Layers of Space, Book 1: Brick & Bird

CHAPTER 4: Root Beer and An Overdue Education

Education is a varied topic across The 7 Layers of Space. In the Layer of Sock, school resembles a long-form version of recess and art class. In the Layer of Pow, it's more like an endless war game with lots of capes and escapes. On the Layer known as Earth, children are mostly made to sit still and memorize lists and numbers. And on the Layer of Then, they're just left to fly or fall. And where Theodore spent most of his time, on the Layer of Clank, education is rather varied, depending on your prophecy and proclivities.

But being questionably left to his own devices, Theodore had skipped it all and pieced together his own incomplete curriculum. He was overdue for some updated lessons.

***

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Mister Caruthers, the wooden ghost monkey who lived on The Roof of The House of the Magician Detective. It was a particular type of scream that was deployed to scare pests away from gardens (and roofs).

With crash and a flash, an explosion of smoke cut through the air, sending inky black feathers flying. In a blink, The Roof transformed into a distorted cacophony of fumes and flapping wings.

Theodore's eyes watered, his ears rang, and his heart thumped as the world sank and slowed around him. He had gone from one emergency to another so quickly that his mind couldn't catch up. Instinctively, he curled up into a little ball.

The choking cloud of smoke and departing little birds rose up. When it lifted, all that remained was Theodore, the giant Bird, and a little brown monkey in an engineer's cap and matching overalls. The conspicuous wooden monkey clutched an over-sized sword in one paw and a smoking seed the size of a baseball in his other. He stood balanced solely on his own tail. The number seven glowed lightly from his hat. He spat.

"That's enough o that," Mr. Caruthers said through a thick drawl. He hopped to a foot and used his tail to gather more smoking seeds from a nearby planter box, which he then threw to himself and juggled with a single paw. Apparently the seeds worked as some kind of smoke grenade, and the little birds did not seem to like them at all. Neither did Theodore.

The giant Bird did not seem alarmed, but by now nearly all of her diminutive cohorts had fled. With the rest of her body held stone still, The Bird ratcheted her head to stare at the monkey.

"Ha," she said. The monkey stared back and did not blink. While nothing had been said, it was clear that this was not the first time they had met.

"Giddout! Shoo!" the monkey yelled. "This ain't how it's done and you know better!"

Turning back to Theodore, The Bird squawked, "Ship trip! Byarbee!" She then rose into the air like a lazy insect, an illogical blob hovering upwards on stick wings that defied all rules of propulsion. As she flew away, she screeched towards the setting sun, "CAKE! CAKE! BLOOD OR CAKE! HAHAHA! BYARBEE!" She repeated it in a bizarre sing-song rhythm.

In a gesture that looked as casual as a flipped coin, the wooden monkey threw another over-sized seed after her. He watched it arc gently through the air, shading his eyes with a paw. Theodore watched too, wondering why he wouldn't have thrown a few more for insurance, but then with a loud CRACK the Bird was struck. The monkey nodded with approval. He'd only needed the one.

The moment the seed hit its target, little vines emerged from it and tightened around all of The Bird but its eyes and beak, a fast-woven net sending her plummeting. She dropped to the edge of the roof like lead, crashing with a flop, and a plop, and yet another pronounced, "Ha!" The Brick slipped from her claw to the floor of the Roof with a sullen thud and mixed in among the rest of the debris.

"Thank you," Theodore managed through gasps in the direction of Mr. Caruthers, who continued to study the sky, searching after another unknown target.

"Wasted seeds," he spat again. "Poor soul, she used to be the life o the party. Real creep nowadays. You never know, amiright?" he relaxed and gently packed the remaining seeds into a neon fanny pack. He deftly hopped to one of his painted flower boxes and then over to the trussed-up Bird, it was like watching a circus tumbler in their prime. He reached down and tightened the vines with an elaborate knot. "I'll tell you whut, I know hundreds o knots, and I use but three of 'em every dang day. If it ain't a bowline it's a hitch or a stopper, amirite?" Theodore stared back at him, still very much in shock.