The Greatest Prank

Chapter 1

It was a supposed to be a joke, but it had more far reaching consequences than the child who started it all would have considered.

As it was, everyone simply chalked it up to him living up to a legacy he had no actual interest in outside of a few small pranks. After all, it was hard to top what he actually did to the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts...even if it did accidentally break the weird curse on the post.

He had mostly written that letter as a joke request. He didn't actually expect the one who read it to show up!

It all started like this...

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Harry Potter was bored, and when bored he generally snuck to the library to read his favorite webseries of all time.

Unfortunately the internet was down so he couldn't even do that much.

Which lead to this.

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He was sitting on one of the unbroken swings, when he remembered an odd comment Percy made about the DADA teachers. How every year they had a replacement, either by resignation, curse, or death...like in the case of Quirrell.

Which made it sound like there was some sort of curse on the spot, leading to increasingly inept teachers.

After learning the same madman who killed his parents was still very much alive (though not literally speaking as he was little more than a wraith at this point) Harry very much wanted to live. And if what Percy said was true, then the odds of him getting a decent teacher that would actually do their job well enough to insure his survival were slim to none.

Having already picked the lock Vernon had insisted on putting on Hedwig's cage, he now had a reliable method of communicating.

Considering he was bored, and wanted a decent teacher for once, Harry decided to write a letter. As a lark, mind you since he didn't think the series was real.

If it was, he was so getting the man's autograph and begging for an apprenticeship.

So he took out a quill and began to write.

'Dear Richard (Chief warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the undead and mayor of a delightful village on the coast),

I have heard that you are an expert in dark magic, specifically the using of it and learning how to deal with it (if only by association of being in your presence and learning the countercurses as a consequence). I am a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. For the past several years the post of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has been vacant, and filled only with incompetent morons who wouldn't look out of place in a goody-two-shoes band of heroes.

Our headmaster, for instance, firmly believes the last idiot who decided to go on a killing spree was taken out by, of all things, a mother's LOVE.

Seeing as how I have firm suspicions said idiot is still alive, albeit in wraith form, I would like to have assurances that I could take him out without having to rely on something as ridiculous as the power of love. Preferably through copious use of fire or other spells that cause a lot of collateral damage. I have it on good authority that their preferred costume to cause fear is highly flammable, and I think it would be more entertaining to see such idiots run around screaming while their overly long robes were on fire, seeing as how none of these fools know the simple concept of stop, drop, and roll.