Souls | Severus Snape

9 | Heartless

Severus stared blankly at the ceiling, his body sunk into the bed and his heart was heavy with guilt. A part of him was relieved to finally got everything out of his chest, while another part of him was conscious about how much pain he was putting you in.

Shutting his eyes, Severus wanted nothing more but to fall asleep. He was not the one who seek comfort through sleep, and he never had a healthy schedule for his sleeping habits, but after he talked with you until you broke into tears, he just wanted to let go of everything. He needed to rest his mind which was actively reminding him of your tears stained face.

He knew it was bound to happen with everything he did to you, someday you would break and give up on him, but he never intended for that day to come so soon and he never expected himself to be in so much pain after seeing your heartbroken gaze on him.

His heart ached, and his eyes fluttered open. It was impossible for him to sleep when he could still see your face, your beautiful smile that used to be on your face was replaced with a frown, tears welled up in your eyes and your body was shivering from both the cold and your sobs. You looked so broken and vulnerable, and he was the reason behind it.

He started to question his heart, if he really hated you or he was just protecting himself from your feelings, so that no one could hurt him again. Minerva was right; he did not know how it felt to be loved, and he was not ready to let himself feel it now. 

He was not brave enough, but he would never tell you that.

But now he wished he did tell you, as he was lying in his bed, the agonising sound of your cries was ringing through his head like a broken record. Severus wanted to forget it and continue hurting you, but the thought of you loathing him after what happened was tormenting his soul, and it was hurtful to think that he had pushed everyone away from him, including his soulmate. 

Severus was put in a position where he had to show how cold his heart could get, and now he was bathing himself in guilt upon realising he should not be so harsh towards you. 

Getting out of the bed, he knew there was no way of getting some sleep when he realised half of his soul was on the other side of the castle, alone and heartbroken, probably still in tears after what he said mindlessly.

"Now you're thinking about your soulmate."

He muttered under his breath, cursing himself for changing his opinion on you just when he had realised how bad he was shattering your heart. It was foolish to think that his hatred was vanishing once he saw your tears, but he swore any other person would also have their heart broken if they ever saw the disappointment in your eyes, let alone him who was your soulmate.

It was still fresh on his mind, the look in your eyes and the aching of his heart. His heart was clawed in pain as he saw a torrent of tears on your face, the way your lips trembled when you told him that your soul longed for his, and your gut-wrenching sobs when he left, too afraid to face his own reality.  

Severus regretted what he did, and he was not going to deny it.

He knew he went too far, having your fragile heart in his hands and carelessly crushing them, betraying the bond that you had with him.

His regret was far too heavy for him to carry this time, and it was killing him, as he knew you would distance yourself from him. This feeling was so foreign to him, it was as if there was a hollow space in his heart, his soul was dragged into a sorrowful place that he had never been before.

He had hurt his soulmate, the only person who truly appreciated him and waited for him for years, and now he had to find a way to fix his mistakes and gain your trust again.