The Formidable

51

The bedroom door clicked openly softly half an hour later and Jase crept in, putting the nappies down on the desk. Mia was laying on the bed, Madison was brushing her hair with her hand.

"How you doing?" Jase asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. Madison looked over at him, having not realised he'd even come in. She shrugged and turned back to Mia.

"Fine," she replied. He chewed his lip.

"Madison, about what I said downstairs-" 

She was already shaking her head.

"Don't worry about it. You're right, it's an occupational hazard. Comes with the job. It was going to happen one day." The guilt shredded through him like a wood chipper. The defeat in her voice breaking his heart.

"That's not the point, I shouldn't have said it. I let Janine get to me and I should know better. I get that she's only looking out for you." 

Madison sat up with a sigh,  crossing her legs.

"Honestly, it's fine. Everything you said was right. We have other priorities," she looked down at Mia briefly, "and you are only one man. You have enough pressure from everyone else without me gunning for revenge." Jase sat on the bed properly, pulling her into his arms so she was laying with her back against his chest, legs between his.

"Regardless of all that, I really am sorry about how things happened. If I could have thought of any other way, I would have done that instead but your dad just..." he trailed off, unable to find the right words. Madison filled the silence for him.

"Accepted his fate. For all his faults, he's always had the head to know when his days were done," she said. Her tone was empty and detached. It was easier to take things as they were rather than sit in an angry ball of denial, wishing for things that she'd never have, like her dad back and a normal life. This was her bed, she'd had help making it but the easiest option right now was to lie in it. From that came a bittersweet relief. At least this way, neither her or Mia could be used as weapons against him anymore. 

The relief was short lived as once again, the thought that Mia would never know her grandad and she'd never get the chance to revitalise their relationship washed over her in painful waves. Her chest tightened, as did Jase's hold around her as she shuddered, crying silently. He kissed her head, soothing her with hush's and telling her to let it out and reassuring her he was there. She clung to Jase's arm across her shoulders, trying to control the violent shaking as the utter despair and loss tore through her. It all got too much. Madison released a sorrowful groan as she finally let go and allowed for the grief to course through her. Mia sat up, her bottom lip trembling at the sight of her mum in such a state.

"Mummy?" she whimpered, bursting into tears herself. Jase reached over with his free hand, pulling her into the hold.

"It's okay baby," he said, "it's okay." He knew that this wasn't all for Madison's dad. This was for everything that had piled up over the years that she'd been holding onto. Everything that happened in the house, Mia, the girls who had come and gone, the running, hiding. Everything. It occurred to Jase that Madison didn't even know about Lily yet. She'd been in such a bad way since Mia had been taken that no one had spoken about it other than him and Mickey. Madison had no idea about the nameless woman that had apparently been there with Tommy. He kissed her head again, dreading the idea of crushing her even further when he did have to tell her. And he would have to tell her.

Eventually, Madison's tears turned to quiet sobs and she fell into a melancholy slumber, still in the safety of Jase's strong hold. The only place in the world she felt nothing could touch her. He didn't dare move. As Mickey had advised, he wasn't going to take a single day for granted. With everything up in the air, he had no idea when it would be their last one together. His eyes went to Mia who was asleep, her little body pressed against his side, his other hand clenched in hers as she held it across her stomach.

When he woke up, Madison and Mia were no longer in the room with him and his neck was stiff from being half sat up and half laid down for God knows how long. He stretched and clicked his head side to side. Mickey's wallet and the key he'd given him sprang to mind but he decided Madison was in no position to have those yet. For now, they would remain in the top drawer of his bedside table. He left the room, hearing Madison bathing Mia as he made his way past the bathroom, heading downstairs. 

Sam and Janine were sat in the kitchen, they stopped talking when he walked in, watching him flick the kettle on. The atmosphere was heavy, they'd heard Madison crying earlier.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Jase. I didn't mean to antagonise you," Janine said meekly. He stirred his coffee several times and sat down before responding.

"Don't worry about it. Water under the bridge." 

She smiled and he returned it half heartedly.

"How's she doing?" Sam asked, referring to Madison. Jase puffed his cheeks and bobbed his head.

"It's going to take her a while to get back on her feet, but you know Madison, nothing will knock her down for long."

"So is that it then? It's done?" Janine asked. 

Jase sighed, forcing some of the tension out of his body. "I think so. I don't know. She doesn't even know about Lily yet and her dad gave me a key to a safety deposit box, so I suppose we'll see when everything comes to light." He hoped in his heart of hearts that it was all finished, mind. He wasn't sure how much more any of them could take and none of them were getting any younger. It would all have to come to a head eventually and he couldn't think of a better time than now.