I Bleed Stars (Book 1)

Chapter 41

Sunny's (P.O.V)

I thanked the taxi guy before closing the car door. I knew I was going to cry a lot tonight and couldn't drive because of it so I got a taxi.

My heart was utterly broken and I was so torn I didn't know what to do with myself so I went to church alone at midnight.

As I walked up the front doors of Beyond Fellowship I checked the doors and was surprised when I saw it was unlocked.

I walked through the building of the church and breathed in the familiar smell of church people and bibles.

I didn't know if this place was my home or if Roxanne was.

I started to cry again as I thought about her. She seemed so frail and looked like she could die at any minute at the dance.

I felt like an evil friend and a fake lover for leaving Roxanne at her hardest time, but I didn't know what else I was supposed to do.

My situation may have been different but I finally understood why it was so hard for Sandy to leave Ethan. It's hard to take a risk and leave everything you've known for something else.

After walking in the hallways of the church I finally stopped in the sanctuary.

My chest suddenly started to hurt and my breathing got heavy. I tried to calm down when I realized I was having a panic attack.

A scream escaped my mouth and when I saw that made me feel better I screamed again and again.

"Why can't I love her!" I said screaming again but this time making it last longer.

"Screaming in God's house? Bold of you. Not too many people do that." A short and plump lady said standing in the doorway.

I moved to take a closer look at her when I saw it was Mrs. Cooner, the pastor's wife.

"Oh my goodness I'm so sorry. I didn't know anyone was here. I'll leave."

"No, you're fine honey. Sometimes we just need to let things out." She said, waving her hand. "What's got you screaming so much? If you don't mind me asking."

"I love another girl."

"Ah, I take it you were here last week then?"

I nodded my head.

"Love is a very complicated thing." She said walking closer.

"It's all I feel for this girl." I said, feeling myself calm down a bit.

"Well, what's stopping you from being with her?"

"My family, god, everything."

"Are you afraid God will reject you?"

"Yes," I said.

"Even if he does, it's okay to still love him. Just because God rejects you doesn't mean you have to reject him. She said echoing the words the pastor from Stitch had said a while back in one of his sermons. "Now, your family is a little harder, but I'm sure everything will work out."

As soon as she said my phone started ringing.

I looked down at the caller ID to see that it was the Freeman Museum.

"Hello?" I answered the phone.

"Hi, Sunny?"

"Yes?"

"We have considered your application to put a painting in our museum and I'm happy to say I Bleed Stars has been accepted. You can bring the painting by tomorrow and we'll discuss things further."

"Thank you so much."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, bye."

I hung up and screamed really loud. I looked around as I forgot where I was for a second. As I remembered the conversation I just had with Cooner a second ago I looked up to thank her for being so kind to me when I saw that she was gone.

I was about to text Roxanne when I remembered all I said to her earlier. There was no way she was going to just let me back into her life but I needed to tell her the good news somehow.

I decided to message Sandy.

Me: Hey, I applied for Roxanne's painting to be put in the Freeman Museum and she got in.

Me: Tell her to take the painting to the museum tomorrow and to discuss everything. Tell them Roxanne is the owner of the painting and I sent you.

I stopped texting and started to make my way towards the sanctuary doors and when I got a notification.

Sandy: You're always talking about your world and dreams. Can I tell you a bit about my world?

A smile spread across my face as I realized who was using Sandy's phone. Maybe I couldn't be with Roxanne right now but that was okay. I needed to figure out who I was and whether to choose Roxanne, or my Religion or maybe even both as the pastor and Mrs. Cooner have said, but I didn't need to make a choice right now. Right now I just needed to be Roxanne's friend.

I wasted no time replying back.

Me: Sure thing, how about tomorrow over coffee?

Sandy: Tonight. I'll swing by the apartment and come pick you up.

Me: I'm actually at a church.

Sandy: At midnight???

Me: Yeah

Sandy: Send the location

I sent her the location of the church before putting my phone in my purse.

***

It took awhile for Roxanne to come pick me up and when she did things were definitely awkward.

We didn't talk as she drove. I wanted her to say something so bad but if silence is what she wanted then silence it was.

It was not only raining but it was also dark out so I couldn't see where we were going but we had been driving for awhile now.

"We're going to the cliff. I will tell you about my world there. We're almost there." Roxanne slurred her words.

"Okay, Roxanne." I said as tears started forming in my eyes. I couldn't bear to see her like this. She couldn't even talk anymore. The cancer was killing her.

"I wrote you a letter." She slurred her words again. "I sent it in the mail."

"Why did you write me a letter?" I asked confused.

"Because you weren't answering your phone."

We drove in silence for a little longer. I looked out my window wondering how we weren't there yet.

"Roxanne, I'm so sorry about everything. Every small moment with you was like the movies and I guess that's why I fell in love with the scenes of us. But we need to pause this movie for now or until I can figure things out...until I can figure out who I am."

When she didn't answer I looked over at her to see her head down and her hands no longer on the wheel. It looked like she had passed out.

I started freaking out in panic.

"Roxanne-"

What I was going to say next didn't matter because as I was too busy looking at Roxanne I didn't notice the car had already gone off the cliff.